Thursday, October 4, 2012

Roller Derby Minimum Skills Test Coming Up Again

Squeeeeee! Also, aaaaugh!

A couple of other girls are going to be eligible soon, so it looks like there will be another test within a couple of weeks. I already told the coach I want in on it. No more putting it off.

I'm glad I've waited this long, though. I've had a lot of fear, negativity and uncertainty to battle. I went through a stretch where I hated going to practice, a stretch where I was defeated and depressed, and a stretch where I felt like an outsider. I now feel very much like a member of the team, look forward to practice every week, and am scared but excited to try new things. It would have sucked to have passed the test and started scrimmaging with those horrible attitudes. I would have hated every second of it. Now I'm chomping at the bit to scrimmage. I'm really looking forward to being a full-fledged derby player

I'm so scared that I won't pass. Can I do all the skills on the test? Yes. Can I skate 25 laps? Yeppers. Can I do it in 5 minutes? Close enough. Can I do it without vomiting? Nope.

Getting sick has become a regular part of my roller derby experience. Looking back, I remember as a teenager I would get sick when I exercised too hard especially if it was sudden, if i didn't warm up or went suddenly from walking to running. This is what's happening now. I can skate the entire two hours, working my ass off, sweating, pushing, needing many Aleve the next day, and I'm fine. Ask me to sprint, however, and the drill ends with me racing off to the toilet. Hopefully this will go away as I become more used to the exercise. It's just another step in my road to increasing my stamina and health.

Today I get sick right away. Our warm up is sprinting. We are to go for two minutes, counting our laps. I'm so excited. I will need to do ten laps in two minutes, no leniency, to pass skills. I'm elated to have this chance to test myself.

Elation turns to anger as I feel the nausea rising around lap five. I tell myself not to slow down. Slowing doesn't help. It doesn't make me less likely to puke. It just makes me slower.

I slow down.

Anger turns into misery as the two minutes end and I didn't even make 8 laps. Then I go vomit. I was so sure I'd be able to pass skills. Now it doesn't look like much of a possibility. I cry a bit during stretches. What am I going to do?

The husband and I have this agreement. I need to take skills the next time it is available, and I need to pass. If I don't pass, I will have to quit. Derby is taking a lot of my time and attention, taking time away from my family, causing the husband to have to take off work while I attend an event or get X-rays. It's true I really have other things (income generating things) that are getting less attention than they need right now, while I devote time and attention to derby. There's a lot of pressure on this test. There are no re-takes for me. I pass this, or I fail derby.

If I do not pass, I plan to devote time to skating, cardio workouts, and strength training. I plan to lose weight. I plan to be 30 lbs lighter and skills test ready by the time the holidays are over, so I can return to Derby. Is this realistic? I don't know. The truth is, if I had been dedicated to losing weight and consistently exercising while I've been in derby, I wouldn't be facing this now. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be passed and playing if I had taken my own advice about off skates workouts. This is important to me, though. Plus it may be easier to keep to a routine if I'm not battling twisted joints and minor injuries. In any case, if I must quit, I'm going to consider it a trial separation. If I can be test ready by mid January, I will join back up. If I fall into laziness and mid January finds my skates gathering dust and my waistline expanding, I will ditch my gear and say my final farewell.

Now is not the time to think about that. Now is the time to concentrate on passing next week.

I have a strategy. I will skate around my block once a day (weather permitting) between now and then. Once around my block is about a mile, so it's equal to 25 laps. I won't time myself but will alternate sprinting with rest, increasing the sprint times. If I cannot skate, I will jog on my treadmill. I will do some strength training- at least planks, wall-sits and calf raises every day. I will drink 64 ounces of water daily.

On test day, I will eat lightly but I will eat. I will go for a leisurely skate before practice to get pre-warmed up. At the test, I will place trash cans next to the track. No matter how much I think I am GOING to throw up, I will not slow down or leave the track. I do not have to anticipate or find the restroom; the cans will be right there if I need them. I will sprint all out for ten laps. If I need to puke after that, I will. But I need to make that first ten in two minutes. Then, even if I have to stop to vomit, I WILL skate all 25 laps. If it takes me an hour, if I have to vomit every other lap, if I start falling every third stride, I will at least finish the task.

That's the plan.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Freshies! Don't Buy Roller Skates!

No offense, but you don't know what you're doing.

Since coming to terms with the fact that my skates are a bit too big, I've spoken with many of my teammates about skate fit. It turns out an alarming number of them spent a painful couple of years cinched into skates that were too small or sloshing around in ones that were too big. It didn't ruin their derby, but it did make things difficult and uncomfortable. It is possible to start a successful derby career in ill-fitting skates, but why do that to yourself?

Hear me now. Most people will recommend you not buy skates "until you know for sure you will stick with derby." This is good advice, but if you are joining roller derby then you are probably the type of person who will be more determined to buy expensive skates when told this. I am not assuming you will fail. I assume you will work hard, love derby, play for years, and have a Facebook fan page with thousands of followers. I am still telling you not to buy.

In an ideal world, your league will have an impressive collection of discarded skates you can borrow. Although you may feel dorky in the borrowed skates, I think you should spend a few months using them. Spend 2-3 weeks in a pair that feels good. Then go up or down a half size, or choose a different style of skate and wear those for a few weeks. See what the difference is. Get a feel for what you like and what you don't like. When you know the feeling of well fitting skates, it will be easier to make the right decision when buying.

Now it's time to leave fairy tale land.

You and I both know that if you can afford new skates (and perhaps even if you really can't) that you are not about to use the loaners for the next 3-6 months. Here's the second best option. Find a skate shop with EXTREMELY knowledgeable and helpful employees, and take a senior team member with you. Most of your teammates love skate shopping and will be glad to go with you. They will use it as an opportunity to buy themselves some new wheels. With their help, you can find the right skate for you. Please note: a knowledgeable skate shop owner will probably try to dissuade a freshie from buying skates. They see a lot lot of girls trying to return scuffed skates after a month. Don't be offended.

I know not everyone has access to a good skate shop. Also, you may not feel comfortable asking someone to come with you. At the very least, you should ask everyone's opinions before you go to buy skates. Pick a couple of people who seem to really know equipment and ask them about the fit of your loaners. Ask everyone what kind/size skates they have, what they had in the past, and why they chose that. Everyone loves talking about their skates! Some will talk your ear off. Try to find someone with similar feet to yours, and find out what they wear. Derby players know everything about their feet. If you have wide or narrow feet, tall feet or flat arches, weird toes, weak ankles, etc., someone on your team will have the same thing and will tell you how that affected their skate decision.

The girls will also be full of hints about lacing, insoles, socks, wheels, toe stops, and toe guards. They will know if your league has a discount arrangement anywhere. Some girls may have a special store or person who puts together custom skate packages.

My final piece of advice is to not get carried away by all the fancy options. I needed aluminum plates instead of nylon because of my size, but I did not need the leather boots I insisted upon having. This is your first pair if derby skates, not your last. You will be falling, sliding, and generally tearing up the skates for a while. As Fresh Meat, you will be harder on these skates than you probably will be on any other pair of skates in your life. You don't want to cringe at every scrape.

Your league probably has a particular skate that they generally recommend for new girls. With us, it's the Reidell R3. It's a great skate. It has nylon plates and vinyl boots which makes it relatively economical, yet it is a well-made, well-fitting skate that will serve you well. Ask if your league recommends this skate or a similar one.

Do NOT research some skates online, go to the sports shop, find a great, expensive skate, try on a pair or two, and buy a pair that "feels okay."

Learn from me!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Thou Shalt Not Skate in Slippery Socks

True story.

Practice is buckets of fun today. We do some blocking drills, and we do continuous jammer again. At this point I clearly have a reputation for being hard to knock down. :)

Today I'm not. I fall during warm -up; I fall when anyone comes near me; I fall when I try to speed up or to slow down.  Something's up.  I feel like my skates are wobbling every which direction.

At first I think my wheels have come loose.  I check them, find one a bit loose and tighten it, but that doesn't appear to be the problem and it certainly doesn't help.  My skates wobble.  My ankles buckle.  I hit the floor again and again.  I am the sole cause of at least three pile-ups, feeling four or more girls fall over top of me as I ball up as small as possible.

Finally I realize what is happening.  My skates are not going all over the place; my feet are.  You see, my skates are a teensy bit too big.  My wonderful, beautiful, EXPENSIVE skates that are my best friends and worst enemies, are too roomy.  I have developed my ways to compensate for this.  I tighten the laces around my toes so tight that my little piddies fall asleep during warm-up.  I have extra cushion insoles.  I wear neoprene booties that add traction and keep my heels in place.  I wear thick socks.

Today I lost my head.  I selected a very adorable, very thin, very slippery pair of plaid socks.  I don't know what I was thinking or why it took me so long to realize the issue.  Once I figure out what is happening, it is obvious.  Whenever I move my skates sideways, to push off or to change direction or to stop, my feet slide sideways to the edge of the skate, turning my ankle and dropping me to the floor.  When I'm skating, my feet slide every which way inside my boots, making it much harder work and throwing me off balance.

Someday little things like this won't throw me off so much.  The other girls skate with no socks sometimes, on blisters and swollen feet, without toenails.  For now, however, I must accept that a little thing like socks can totally ruin my game.

Everyone has their 'off' days, and I've located a cause for some of mine.  I have a blast, though, even with all the falls.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I Am a Roller Derby God!!!

Today is the same drill as last practice. We take the track two at a time, the person in front hitting with her hips. This is perfect, because my hitting needs a LOT of work.

I jump in the drill without waiting for an invitation, taking hits very well and giving hits not so well. But I'm trying. This time, I hear the buzz about me first hand. As I'm going around the track, I hear the coach say to someone else, "Ramona is just so solid. It's like hitting a brick wall."

My heart skips a beat. Tears of pride prickle my eyes. Such a small comment but it means the world to me.

Throughout practice, I hear more people talk about my solidity. I get knocked down, but apparently not as much as one would expect. Then I find myself paired up with Haley. I consider her to be a good friend. I suspect, however, that she feels we coddle the new girls too much. (I tend to agree, actually.) Haley PUMMELS me. I assume she is holding back some, but not nearly as much as the others. She doesn't bump, retreat, let me recover, and then bump again. She slams into me and keeps pushing, shoving me towards out of bounds, pushing, pushing, pushing me. I struggle to push back against her, to stay in bounds, to stay on my skates. When I do fall or go out of bounds, there is no recovery time. Before I even see where she is coming from, she is there. Her rock hard shoulder digs into my side with a constant force. She slices her skates in front of mine to hold me back. I focus on the line around the edge of the track. I dig my skates in, lower my body, desperate to stay in bounds. My ankles scream. My bad hip seems to have given up and gone numb. Again and again I lose the fight, tripping out of bounds or getting thrown to the ground. I keep getting up. She keeps coming. I'm spent, but I honestly believe that if I do not fight with all I have left to stay up that I will die. She will knock me over with enough force to kill me.

Okay so maybe I'm not a god.

Towards the end of my second lap, the end of this delicious torture in sight, I hear it again. I'm pulling myself up off the floor for the 125th time. My skates hit the floor and I take off again. Haley heads for me. I steel myself. From the center of the track I hear, "When Ramona passes her test, I want her on my team!"

Yess!

I only get knocked down about twelve more times on the last quarter of the track.

Next we do something called Continuous Jammer. Everyone gets on the track at once. One person wears the jammer panty for two laps, then passes it to the next person. Everyone skates the entire time. I know I won't be able to keep up for long, but I jump in to try. I stay at the back of the pack. I don't try to block the jammer or do anything fancy. I'm just trying to keep up.

I'm doing it!

Jammer after jammer takes the pantry, and I am still skating. It gets toward the end of the drill, I realize that I'm going to be able to make it through the whole thing. Victory! I skated through a whole drill!

Then the unthinkable happens. I hear the call, "Who hasn't jammed yet?". Then I hear the reply, "Ramona hasn't!"

Beg your pardon?

I don't want to be seen hanging back, so I proclaim my terror but grab the panty. I spend a lap and a half trying to push and shove my way through the pack, bolstered by the yells of encouragement from my teammates. Everyone is telling me when to push, when to relocate, and how to find the hole. The term 'wall' takes on new meaning i don't see the individual girls in front of and beside me. They blur into a solid mass of spandex and tank tops. Hands behind my back, I throw my body this way and that, slipping on sweat and locking wheels. Panting through flames, I am determined to make it through my two laps. Coming close to the end of my second lap, however, the world is swimming and I know I am going to puke. Tossing the panty to the nearest girl, I shoot off to the bathroom followed by the sound of applause.

I don't vomit. I hitch a couple of times but reign it in. Good thing, too. I had frito chili pie for lunch, which in retrospect wasn't the best choice. I wash my face and emerge from the restroom, planning to watch some scrimmaging. Perhaps once I've had a rest, I'll skate 25 laps and see how long it takes me.

There is no scrimmaging, though. Everyone's taking their gear off. Practice is over. I had thought Continuous Jammer had taken 20 minutes. It turns out in actuality I had been skating for over an hour solid. Seriously. I can't believe it.

The girls cheer me again. Everyone congratulates me, and they all seem genuinely excited for me. I don't feel like I'm being pitied. I feel like it won't be long before I can hold my own. I really feel like part of the team.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

There's No Loneliness in Roller Derby

Today at practice I put my new (if slightly forced) attitude to work.

First I must swallow my panic as I realize the other new girl is not skating. Will they pull someone out of practice just to work with me? Do I want them to do that? I'll feel guilty if someone has to miss out on drills to work with me, and frankly I don't know what I'd work on. Does this mean I have to run drills with the other girls? What if I can't do it? What if I cry again, or puke? I don't think i can do it. Suddenly I realize I haven't even started anything yet and I'm already frustrated to the point of tears. Time for an attitude change.

Mental slap.  Ramona, what have we been discussing with ourselves?  I am here TO DO things I cannot do.  This is exciting.  i look forward to seeing how well I can hang in there.

The drill we are working on today is about a certain kind of block.  For those of you in the know, I can say it's kind of like a J-hook with your hips instead of with your shoulder.  When someone approaches you from behind, you get down real low, and then pop up as you hip check her.  It's kind of awkward.  To practice the technique, we are to take turns getting on the track two at a time.  One girl comes up behind, and the other girl tries to use this block.  Each pair goes for a lap, and then the next pair goes.

Can I attempt this?  It's not sprinting or endurance.  It is, however, a full contact drill.  Intimidating.  What if I wind up in the rotation with someone who doesn't play nice with the new girl?  I really have been wanting to work on taking and giving hits, though.  I failed that part of my skills test.  At home, I daydream about getting in there and doing some hits.  Am I going to chicken out now that the opportunity has arisen?  No way.  I'm going for it.

What if they don't think it's a good idea for me to do this drill?  Who cares?  I'm going for it.  Instead of hanging back and waiting for someone to either invite me to the drill or suggest it may be too much for me, I jump into the middle of the track.  If they feel strongly that I shouldn't do this, let them come to me.

I do admit, however, to starting at the end of the line.  I don't jump right to the front.  I'm not crazy.

As I watch the girls ahead of it perform the drill, I realize something I had forgotten.  They are all here to learn new things.  Even though they are all much more skilled than I am overall, this specific maneuver is new to almost everyone.  I watch as they help each other, fall, laugh, cuss.  I hear girls who have been skating for years say things like, "Wait, I don't get it.  Was that right?  Can I try that again?"  I see the other newer girls asking for help from the person they're paired with.

I am not alone. I do not battle the gods of heat and endurance wrapped in my own personal blanket of misery. I am part of a team. My teammates are struggling and fighting and sweating with me. We are at different levels, but we all strive to improve.

I have so much fun skating this drill! I get knocked over some but not always. The girls I skate with talk me through it the whole way. At one point I skate against the coach. She comes in for a hit, and falls! Obviously nobody's coming at me full force, and she's going easy on me. Still, she wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't been steadier than she expected.

Later in line, Marnie says to me, "I heard a compliment about you. I overheard coach saying how solid you are."

I am elated. The pain in my legs and feet diminishes as I am now lighter than air. Solid? Hell yes! Awesome.

Scrimmaging starts and I cannot join in so I spend some time watching and some time walking on my toe stops. I wish I could do laps, but Wednesday is the day that the other track is unavailable. I am itching to try to do 25 laps. Toe stop work is good too, though.

What would have otherwise been an excellent practice is marred by a huge pile up in the scrimmage. Three girls get hurt pretty badly. Scary. I think of injuries as happening in bouts, but the thought of injuries during practice scares me a lot. For now I concentrate on well wishes for the hurt girls and the glory of coach saying I'm solid. I feel so close to everyone today. I love it here.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Back to Roller Derby Basics

I'm finally making it through to the other side of this streak of negativity and backsliding. I took it easy for a couple of weeks, with the help of my cracked tailbone. This allowed me to reconnect with the fun of skating Last practice I started back in with pushing myself, and found myself feeling great after.

This practice I feel almost like I did before everything went south for me.

When I first get on the track, I remind myself to take it slowly. By the time warm up officially begins, my feet are a bit crampy and my legs a bit shaky, but I'm not miserable and I feel confident in my skates.

Warm-up? It's push-pull. Everyone gets in one long line. We all grab either the hips or shirt of the person in front of us. Then the woman at the front of the line starts skating, pulling the rest of us for a lap before dropping to the back of the line while the next person pulls the group. I am second to last. I hold my position in line, hands on the hips of the girl in front of me. I keep derby stance, ignoring the foot cramps, holding on while being pulled all the way until my turn. I'm ready. I prepare myself for the effort of pulling the entire group as the girl in front of me finishes her lap. I let go of her. I'm ready. Let's pull this line! And we're off!

And I'm down!

I lurch forward, perhaps anticipating the strain a bit too much. The feeling of someone behind me holding my shirt is odd. I crash to the floor. Embarrassing. Hello. I'm obviously new here.

Everyone cheers me on as I hop back up and get in front again. I pull everyone for the full lap, but then can't continue skating to regain my place in line. I take a break. I guzzle water in between hot gasping breaths. I do not watch the track. I focus only on the bench on which I am leaning. I listen, though. I listen as the last girl pulls everyone, then they reform the line. The last girl is now first to PUSH everyone for a lap. If I were still in the drill it would be my turn next. You know what? I'm doing it. I skate alongside the track for a sec, and when the girl at the back of the line lets go, I hop in. I push te long line of girls around the track. Halfway around, I call out, "Okay, everyone sprint!"

Nobody laughs. Huh. I thought that was crazy funny. U finish the lap with no further jokes.

After pushing the lap, I officially cry uncle for the rest of warm up and skate laps around the outside of the track. I am super proud of myself for jumping in to do the push, but later I'm disappointed that I didn't finish out the laps in line with the other girls. Next time.

After stretches, they set out to do the drill that put me in tears last practice. My brain races. "oh no i can't do this again i don't want to do this it hurts and i'm no good at it please don't make me do this" At this moment I realize the most important thing ever.

THAT IS MY PROBLEM.

I have other issues, such as being overweight and out of shape and having weak muscles and poor balance. All of these things can be repaired. It may take a while but it will happen. None of these issues, however, are as damaging or as far reaching as this one mental block.

As a brand new skater, when faced with a new challenge or a difficult one I had failed before, I was hesitant but excited to be learning something new. Some things seemed scary, but everything looked fun. Now, when presented with a challenge, I fall into despair. I think how much I can't do this and I make myself miserable. That is the worst attitude possible. I am here to learn. I am here to challenge myself. Nobody here is going to get mad when I fall or can't keep up. I need to want to do the rings that are hard. I'm not sure when I lost that.

I refocus myself. Yes this drill is hard, and I cried my way through it last time. But I did it. Now is my chance to give it another shot- to own it. I can feel the attitude shift in my soul, and a weight is lifted off me. I emerge from a cloud of fear and discouragement, and it is good. I'm ready. Let's pair me up.

As I look for a pair, it is suggested to me by the girl running the drill that I would be better off doing new girl drills.

Suck it.

Actually, it's okay. I know they're preparing for an upcoming bout. The other new girl is also being shuffled off.

We spend the practice working on basics that I never mastered. We spend quite a bit of time up on our toe stops. My ankles ache and my toes fall asleep, but I gain quite a bit from the practice. I work on my transitions, attempting turnaround toe stops. We work on blocks and hits.

I feel good and I plan to make my change in attitude permanent.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Puke, Sweat and Tears - and Panties

Warm up is the usual nightmarish hell. I start by skating some laps on shaking legs, body tense, wobbling like newborn Bambi. After just a few minutes, my legs are screaming in agony and I'm taking multiple breaks "to stretch." Thoughts of quitting flutter once again into my brain. This time the thoughts are rather easily swatted away. I now recognize that it takes me while to get my skate legs, and I just need to power through it as best I can. It will get better after a bit. Of course by then I'm exhausted and sore, but it's better than this shaky feeling. At one point during the pre-warm up I realize I have forgotten my mouth guard. I skate over to retrieve it, smiling at the friend of a skater who has come to watch practice.

She smiles back at me sympathetically, "Are you just learning to skate?" Ouch. Humiliations galore. It's hard to shake that one off.

I continue laps on my own. When the official warm up begins, I join in. After a couple of laps I have to rest "to get a drink." I get back on the track a couple of laps later. The warm up continues like this, me breaking for a lap or two then joining in for a lap or two. I skate through the tension in my body, through the trembling in my legs, through the pain in my ankles, and through the humiliation of not being able to make it through a warm up. I never quit, and I feel better after the stretches.

Drills start. We do new kinds of stops. I break when I need to but jump back in when I can. Then they pair us up. I hate that. I hate it. I hate it. I feel trapped. They pair me with Christie, which is cool. We alternate. For one minute I am to push her while she keeps me slowed to a stop. Then we switch. Back and forth. Christie calls out words of encouragement and direction as I struggle and strain. By now I have my skate legs but everything else is falling apart. My hips and thighs burn. My feet cramp. I have sweat so much that there are no actual tears, but I am sobbing with pain and discouragement. I start to hate the girl who suggested this drill. Obviously she did this because she knew it would make me feel small and desperate. She wants me to quit. I hate her. I channel that anger into my pushing for a minute. Wow that was extremely effective. Christie noticed, too. After that big push, though, I am done. Weeping and fighting the urge to vomit, I apologize to Christie and bow out of the rest of the drill.

After a visit to the restroom to calm my stomach and after a break and some water, the next drill begins. We are to form two lines beside the track. We are to take turns taking the track in threes - two people to be "blockers" and one to be a "jammer." I get in the blocker line and notice the person who will be jamming against me is Karmen. She is awesome. Extremely intimidating. I don't think I can do this. I look up at the other track and realize that the other new girl is no longer over here - she's over there! She's working on her single foot glides. Escape is possible! I say, "Oh, I guess I should go over there and work on my glides.". D, who will be blocking with me says, " Or you could get out there with me and see how it goes."

Now what? I take a quick mental inventory. Why am I hesitant to do this? It's not the exhaustion or pain. I'm somewhat recovered and can continue. It's that I don't want to hold the other girls back. I always feel like a drain on the drills when I practice with the vets. But what else am I here for? I know I'll be mad at myself if I don't do this. I stay. Now I'm staying in the drill because I have chosen to - not because I feel trapped into it. That makes a difference.

When it's our turn, I hit the track next to D. The whistle sounds. We start. Karmen comes up behind us. She and D are both great. Karmen doesn't push too hard. She issues instructions. "Bend your knees more. Toes in. Slow me down. You're doing great, girl.". D keeps a touch on me. "Stay with me.". I keep accidentally slamming my wheels into hers, which trips us both. She assures me this is common in new girls. When our time is done, we get a round of applause. Awesome! Now I must visit the restroom again.

Once again the nausea subsides without incident. I go back to the track. I want to try the jamming. I still feel urpy. I hope I don't vomit on anyone.

As my turn arrives, they hand me the jammer panty! Wow. I've never worn this. Neat. I'm jamming against D and Karmen. I spend the lap pushing as hard as I can against each of them. It's hard to control my direction. Karmen keeps reminding me to not use my forearms. I'm going to have to try to figure out what to do with my arms. I feel like I should hold them behind my back, but I fear that will cause me to faceplant.

Once the fun of our turn is over my gorge starts to rise again. I must stop. My body will declare full mutiny. It was a blast and I was so glad I stuck around but it is time for me to move to the other track and do some slow laps for the rest of practice.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Roller Derby Practice Was Awesome!

Before I begin, I'd like to report that I do think the soft bushings were contributing to my recent endurance problems. The firmer bushings seem to help. This is great news!  I didn't just suddenly take a turn for the worse.  I overextended my ability to adjust to new equipment.  My feet cramp a bit more with the firmer bushings and I'm less maneuverable but I no longer feel like I'm going to die after two laps.  I guess my ankles just aren't up to the task right now.

Now, on to tonight's practice -- why is tonight so awesome?

It starts when I arrive and head to the restroom for my pre-practice pee. (With no air conditioning in a tiny bathroom wearing spandex, you'd better pee before you start sweating and you can't wriggle into/out of your clothes anymore.)  One of the girls is in there, at the sink. I turn to go wait my turn when she says, "oh, you can go on in. I was just trying to pop this zit."

I love these girls! They sweat and stink and have gross pads.  They drop their mouthguards on the floor and stick them in their helmets.  They are not afraid to get dirty, bruised and scabby.  They're real.

We do the warm-up.  It is the dreaded one where we sprint, then stop, then 'quick feet' back and forth.  This time we aren't doing it in lines of four, however, which helps me a lot because I can go a bit more at my own pace.  We start skating, and I'm going as fast as I can and I'm keeping up really well and am excited, then Val blows the whistle and yells, "Sprint!"  Oops.  I thought we were already sprinting.  Apparently the other girls were just skating at a regular pace.  At the whistle, everyone takes off.  I keep skating my version of a sprint as I get lapped.  At the next whistle, I stop and do the quick feet, which always causes cramps.  I ignore the cramps and keep going.  Another whistle, another sprint.  Another whistle, more quick feet.  I get through all of the stuff we're doing to the left.  Then we turn the opposite direction to repeat the drill to the right.  Skating to the right throws me completely off.  It's so odd. When we go that direction around the track, I'm back to feeling like I've never skated before.  This is probably why it's important to run some drills both directions.  In any case, at this point I'm so slow and awkward that I feel like I'm in everyone's way.  I stop to stretch and take a drink, then do laps on the outside of the track.  When they get to the quick feet part, I hop back on the track to join in.  I then skate around the outside of the track again.  In this way, I manage to technically make it all the way through warm up without collapsing or quitting.

The best part is after warm up.  We come to the center to stretch, and Val suggests we introduce ourselves because there are a few new faces.  At this point, I have selected a derby name and told it to my team, but I don't use it because I'm not a skills-passed-ed member of the team.  I'm not 'official.'  When my turn for introductions comes, I introduce myself as Ramona.  Val looks at me and says, "No, you have a name."  Marnie says, "We don't know Ramona."  For the first time, I introduce myself using my skater name.  Kaos. I feel a bit weepy about this.


To top it off, there is a special guest this evening.  In the interest of keeping this blog semi-anonymous, I won't say who she is or where she is from.  I will say that she is a member of an extremely elite derby league.  I will also say that she has been an amazing source of help and support to me.  I emailed their league a while back with questions about derby tracks.  She responded.  Since then, I've come to her for advice and skating tips, and also for support during these recent dark days.  She has been amazing, and I'm so pleased to see her here.  (Her family lives in our area so she was in for a visit.)  When I realize she is here, I decide I have to introduce myself.  Before I can do that, however, she comes up to me!  She recognizes my name and knows who I am and wants to meet me.  It it great to get to speak with her in person.

The rest of practice goes well.  Honestly, I'm quite lazy.  I chat with one girl about her classes.  I spend some time with two girls looking at the x-ray pictures of the pins in their broken ankles.  I do, however, work on my weaving, which is not suffering quite so much from the harder bushings as I thought it would.  I work on plow stops, at which I am still heinous and really need to put some time in to improve them.  I work some on booty blocking (yay) during which I almost had a tragedy.  Trying to block another girl, I slip and fall -- on my butt.  It's okay though.  I fell on my side, not my tailbone.  The girl I was blocking said, "Oh, shit.  Did you pick a cheek?  Is your tailbone ok?"  I tell her yes I sacrificed my left buttcheek and am fine.  That kind of puts a damper on booty blocking for the rest of the day, though.

Next practice I will not be lazy.  I've taken enough time to myself to rediscover the fun in practice.  I've taken enough time to let my tailbone heal.  It will kill me tonight and tomorrow but I'll live.  The summer heat has broken, so I do not have to worry so much about vomiting.  It's time to go back to the old mantra:  "Your legs don't hurt that bad.  You CAN breathe.  Keep going."

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Could It Be My Roller Skate Cushions?

I'm remembering that my increased difficulty with endurance began a week before my skills test when I changed out my bushings (cushions) for softer ones. I wanted to increase maneuverability. You think I'd have gotten used to it by now, but maybe going back to firmer bushings will help?

I'm going to try it.

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Ecstasy and then the Agony of DeButt

The other day, I remembered something: I Fucking Love Skating!

For this reason today I get up in the morning to skate outside.

Don't laugh: I make it ALL THE WAY AROUND MY BLOCK! This is about 3/4 of a mile, right around 12-13 laps I believe.

For outdoor skating, this is a ginormous victory for me. Outdoor skating is scary and hard. Outdoors has cracks and rocks that can land you on your face. Outdoors has up hills and downhills and dips. Outdoors has an unpleasant thu-thu-thu-thu feeling as you roll. My outdoor wheels, soft to absorb said cracks and rocks, require extra effort and pushing to keep rolling. My previous outdoor skating endeavors lasted about five minutes each. Today is about a 400% improvement.

When I set out, I tell myself that I will head out as if I'm going around the block. I will get at least around the corner. I will go until I cannot. I will not worry about going too far and not being able to get back. At any time, if I fall or get too tired or sore, I can take my skates off and walk back.

I get around the corner, and am still going. There is a downhill stretch ahead of me. Now, downhill on skates isn't like downhill on a bike. You have to keep your knees bent in an isometric exercise. You have to steer around obstacles. If you're me, you have to panic about the possibility of going too fast and not being able to stop.  It aches, and it often makes my toes numb.

I decide to go ahead and take the downhill until it levels out - about halfway down the block. Then I can stop if I need to.

I get to the level portion, shins and thighs burning. I think I can take the next downhill that will take me to the end of the block. Then I can stop.

I reach the bottom. You know what? I can go ahead and skate the short side of the block. When I turn the corner there will be an uphill. I can stop there.

I reach the hill. I'm aching and wobbly, but I can at least start up the hill. I can stop if it's too hard.

Uphill is hard. It hurts my butt, not just the injury but the muscles as well. I am managing it, though. It's not as scary as I thought it would be. I can make it past the pond. Then I can stop.

I'm past the pond. I can keep going. I'll go past the playground.

Once I'm past the playground, I stumble and decide to land and take a minute. I rest on my knees and survey the path ahead. It might be time to stop. It's uphill the entire way back to my house. I'm falling from weak legs. I'm tense all over from worrying about tripping on a pebble. You know what, though? I can go one more house.

I make it the rest of the way up the street one mailbox at a time. At each house I think, I'll stop after the next one. Okay.  I can stop after the NEXT one.  Finally I reach my neighbor's house. I think it is time to stop. I'm really struggling.

How can I stop so close to the end? Hubby will give me a hard time, and rightfully so. I can make it. I can do it. I skate the final few feet to my house and down my driveway.

That. Was. Awesome. Woooohoooo!  I need to do this EVERY MORNING.

Later in the day I lay curled up on my side on the sofa, crying.  The pain from my injured tailbone is excruciating.  It's so much worse than it has been so far.  I don't know if I damaged my tailbone more, or if the increased activity stimulated the nerves.  I won't be skating tomorrow morning.


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Pep Talks and Tailbones

Today I quit again.

Before I even leave for practice, I'm feeling crummy. I've been feeling melancholy overall, and it affects my feelings about Derby. My kids don't feel well. My husband doesn't feel well.  They don't want me to go. I don't want to leave them. Why am I leaving them? I'm not going to work or to the grocery store or even to the hairdresser. I'm leaving my kids and husband at home so I can go roller skate. Poorly. I weep from guilt as I pull my car out of the driveway.

Practice starts as it always does. I get my gear on and start skating. Before my skates hit the track I already feel stressed, worrying about what this practice will bring. I know the other new girl is advanced enough that she practices with the rest of the team. This means one of two things will happen to me. I might be thrown in to the regular practice with her and the vets. I might be paired up with her to run 'new girl' drills that are way above my skillset. I don't know which will be worse. Either way I'm looking at two hours of physical and mental misery as I try to keep up, a task I'm doomed to fail.  Warm up starts and the first drill is one where we get into groups of four, sprint, stop, do quick feet back and forth, and sprint again. I hate that drill. I can't do it. I don't want to be here. I'm going home.

I pack up my gear. Thankfully, I think nobody notices.

Crap. I left my ice cup full of bandanas over by the track. If I go back for it, someone might see me, and it's obvious I'm leaving because I'm already off skates.  I can't leave it behind.  I run over to get it, run back to my gear, grab it and head toward the door. Now they saw me.

My plans to leave quietly slip down the drain. Vera, the coach, has seen me and rushes to stop me on my way out the door.

She asks why I'm leaving. For a moment my mind races to find a lie. I open my mouth to say there's an emergency at home. Instead, I blurt out the truth. I'm frustrated and I suck at this and I'm exhausted. I want to take a couple of months off.

She tells me not to do that. She reminds me of how far I've come. She tells me not to fool myself. I won't spend the next months exercising and skating. I will lose all the progress I have made, and may never come back. It is not so much what she says that matters as it is the fact that she is saying it. I'm surprised at the effort she is putting in to keep me.  I want to be clear - Val has never been anything but nice and encouraging toward me. She is, however, one of the people I feel has to be rolling her eyes mentally as she watches me struggle every practice. I really did expect her to give me an, "If that's what you think is best. . . Hope to see you back here soon." She doesn't do that though. She works hard to get me to stay. I stay. I suit back up.  It's crazy embarrassing to come back to the track but I do it.

I take it easy through practice. My pride has been stripped. I no longer care if people think I'm slacking off. I know how far I can push myself and I need this to be fun again. I join in some drills and spend some time just doing laps. Truth be told, I take it a little too easy. I could push harder. I need this, though. I need to enjoy it.  As I skate, I remember something I'd forgotten. It's fun. It's fun to skate and it's fun to try to learn something new. It's fun to watch your friends learn something new. When I'm not struggling and fighting and crying just to keep going or to try and keep up, I have physical room to enjoy myself. I have emotional room to enjoy others' endeavors instead of just thinking how I'll never be able to do that. For the first time in a long time (not counting the banked track practice) I'm having a blast. I missed this.

With a half an hour left of practice, my enjoyment literally crashes to a halt. We are practicing stops that you do when skating backward. This is fun, and I appear to be getting the hang of some of it. The challenge for me is that skating backwards stresses muscles that are not used to being stressed. I very quickly feel the effects. The other girls are skating forward, then transitioning to backwards and then doing the stop. This looks to be quite a bit gentler on the glutes. It looks like a great idea! I am embarrassed to admit, however, that I can still not transition. I think the problem is not physical, but mentally I cannot commit to the move. I continue the drill as I have been, skating backwards from a full stop every time, forcing my legs into unfamiliar work.  When my legs start complaining loudly from the backwards skating, I take a break to watch the other girls. When everyone else takes a break, I take to the track.

I am going to learn transitions. I am absolutely going to learn it.  I have the whole track to myself as everyone else gets some water and stretches a bit.  I do a couple of slow ones, then decide to try one at a regular skating pace. I know I can do this. I just need to do it. I take a couple of laps. It's time to turn. Toward the inside. Pick up my inside foot. Put it down facing the other way as I transition my weight and Wait Crap No What am I doing? As my feet start doing their thing, my head interrupts. I trip gloriously.  I land smack on my ass. This isn't my usual ass landing, which hurts my pride more than it hurts my tush. I do have quite a bit of padding on that area so I can take a hard hit to the butt. This is not that. This is a solid smack directly to my tailbone.

The pain is horrifying. I see stars and the wind is knocked out of me. I don't think anyone really saw, so my remaining shred of pride is intact. After catching my breath, I pull myself up (thank goodness I can get up) and go to sit gingerly, carefully on the bench for a while.

Mandy skates over to me and very gently and carefully suggests to me that if I don't have the stamina to participate in the drill that maybe I can skate some laps. Two things are obvious here. One is that she didn't see the fall and thinks I'm just lounging on the bench. The other is that she is trying very hard to squelch the no-nonsense, slightly aggressive tone she normally uses with skaters. She's walking on eggshells with me. It would be easier on me if she would just be blunt. Then I could respond with the appropriate amount of self righteousness. As it is, I smile and say something like, "Oh, yes I'll hop back out there. I just got the wind knocked out of me and it's taking me a second to catch my breath." Wuss.

After a few minutes I get up. Standing hurts less than sitting. I skate slowly around the outside of the track. I absolutely can not afford to fall on my butt again. I keep my knees bent appropriately, leaning slightly forward in proper stance. I take it slowly, concentrating on keeping my stride even so I don't fall.

Vera comments in how well I'm skating. "How can you say you're not improving? Look at that stride! It's much better than when we scored your skills test."  My heart is happy; my butt still aches.

Sitting on the bench and removing my skates after practice is not kind to my sore behind. I'm distracted somewhat by all the girls coming up to tell me how they've had times they wanted to quit too. I appreciate this greatly.  It does make me feel better.  On the other hand, I'm now "that girl."  I'm the whiny new girl who can't hang and needs all this extra encouragement.  I'm high maintenance.  How embarrassing.

By the time I hit the hay, my butt hurts so I can barely move.  It had better heal soon.  I have practice on Sunday and I'm really looking forward to it!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Banked Track Roller Derby Practice

Today some of us are traveling five hours to a city that has a banked track team. We are going to practice skating on their track. This is the first time I have skated with the group since my near-quit last week, and my second time ever on a banked track. I'm nervous, but super stoked.

After an extremely long drive and se time spent lost, I meet the other girls at the warehouse. The place has no air, no power, and no bathrooms. Their banked track barely fits inside the room. It is beautiful. Stunning.

It is me and three other girls from my league. As we are getting our gear together, a handful of girls from a neighboring league arrive. We are all signing waivers and putting on our skates and pads when I hear Kathump-thump. Kathump-thump. I look up and see Val hurtling around the bank. While we were piddling around, she had suited up and bolted to the track. Angie was not far behind. Val and Angie used to skate banked track and they miss it terribly. They are positively gleeful a they shoot around the track. Throughout the day I watch them giggle and play like kids in a playground.

I finish putting on all my gear. My swollen elbow aches under the elbow pad, but that's okay. It feels great to have my skates on again. I find the low point and climb very awkwardly onto the track. Okay. Here I am, up at the top. I drop to my knees and slide to the bottom. Okay. Here I am, down at the bottom. Hmmmm.

Val skates up and reminds me how to get started. I set one skate on the track, leaving the other on the floor, and skate. After I'm going along at a reasonable clip, I am to pick my lower foot up and put it in the track.

Bam! I hit the floor.

It's not that the maneuver is difficult. In fact, it's so not difficult that it is called the 'easy on.' It's just that it is very difficult to convince your foot that it is perfectly safe and natural to leave a stable flat surface, raise up, and land on a bouncy inclined surface while rolling forward. You roll along, one foot up and the other down. All is good, and just as you are about to transition up fully onto the track something in your head yells,"Wait, wait! I'm not ready!" This causes sort of a physical stutter followed by a crash. At least the track is soft and bouncy. All that gets hurt in the fall is my pride.

I have better luck my second try. I get both skates on the track. Now the challenge is getting up to the top of the track instead of rolling right back off the bottom again. I keep practicing. Over the next couple of hours I do a lot of falling, a lot of resting, and some skating, too.

I still have quite a few challenges. I have a difficult time skating up the track. I'm not sure how that is supposed to work - if I'm supposed to quick feet up, or cut that direction. I wind up pushing really hard with my lower foot, which is taxing on my inside leg. This is only fair, however, as my outside hip is taking a beating from pulling myself up onto the track. Another challenge is my fear of the bottom rail. I know you can skate right over it on and off the track, but whenever I approach it I drop to my knees in fear of tripping and planting my face. My most troubling challenge is that when I'm on the bank, my feet feel like they want to slip sideways inside my skates. I don't know if I need to stiffen my ankles, tighten my laces, or just get used to the feeling. All I know is that when I pick my foot up and put it back down, all my weight lands on the side of my foot. I roll my ankle more than a couple of times, which is never good.

By the time I'm ready to go, I can skate twice around the track before losing it. I can start at the bottom and make it ALMOST up to the top of the track but not quite. I can skate off the bottom of the track without freaking out and making myself fall. When it comes time to take pictures, I'm able to stand at the top of the track without clinging to the top rail for dear life. All in all it is a successful day.

I do manage, not once but twice, to smash my sore elbow on the bottom rail. Even through the pad, the pain is enough to make me see stars for a second. How do I always find that bottom rail when I fall? It's the only part of the banked track that is hard.

It's been a fun day, but I must leave. The other girls are staying the night and skating tomorrow. I'm envious of them. I'm not just jealous that they will skate tomorrow. I envy their camaraderie. The three of them drove up in the same car. They will no doubt go out tonight and will drive back tomorrow. I would have loved to have that time to get to know some of the other girls. I'd love to build that kind of deep friendship for which derby is known, to get goofy and crazy with like minded girls. It's my nature to be reserved with people for a while after meeting them. Any time I join a new group, it is common for me to feel more like a spectator than like a member until I start to feel comfortable. Now I'm tired of feeling like that with my Derby team. Had I road tripped with the girls, would that have gotten me over that hump? Would I have been able to push through my shyness and actually feel like I belong? Possibly. That is all moot, though. I already miss my kids something fierce. Had I stayed the night away from home, I would just have been miserable with missing them and with guilt for leaving them for so long. So today I leave early enough to pick the kids up tonight. I will later look at the girls' Facebook status updates with a certain amount of longing. That's okay, though, because tonight I'll squeeze my boys and tuck them into bed.

Today my goals were to go more than once around the track, to be able to stand on it without rolling off, and to be able to skate off the track. Next time I'm on the bank, my goal is to master it. That will mean being able to maneuver up and down the track, to skate indefinitely on it at a good speed, to be able to atop, start, fall, and get up, and to be able to take and five some hits. I'm looking forward to it!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Dodged That Bullet

I'm so glad I didn't skate yesterday. This is bad. This is so bad. Two days after the fall, I feel like I've been in a car wreck. My entire left side feels out of whack. My knee, elbow, hip, shoulder and ribs are crooked and sore and it hurts to breathe.

If I had skated yesterday, how much worse would I feel today?

We have a bout this weekend, at which I'll be selling shirts, and will be watching bout footage the following Wednesday. I will therefore be getting another full week to recover. I'd really like to get back on a treadmill I the mean time though.

www.hypersmash.com

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Roller Skating Injuries are Sexy

Unfortunately, my current injuries are not skating related.

Yesterday after putting gas in my car, I climbed back into the driver's seat. Before I could make it, however, my foot slipped out from under me. I fell backwards out of my car and onto the pavement. The entire left side of my body slammed down on the concrete curb that the gas pumps sit on. My head banged against the gas pump. By the time I got home, my elbow had swelled impressively and my hip had turned black. There is nothing, NOTHING sexy about gas station fall injuries.

So much for my triumphant return to skating.

Doctor's orders are no skating for a week. While getting X-Ray orders, I asked the doctor if I could "roller skate." I'm not ready to use the term "Roller Derby" with her. I think she's wise to it, though. She looked at me and asked of I can expect to fall a lot while skating. I said I'm pretty likely to fall. She said not to skate if there is a chance I could land on that elbow. I'm to give it a couple of weeks.

So here I am at practice, my first practice after quitting without telling anyone I was quitting, and I'm just hanging around watching. I feel silly. I can't skate because my elbow hurts? What a wussy noob. I wish I would've brought my skates so I could at least do a few laps.

On the other hand, I'm not sure that I could get my elbow pad on over my swollen elbow. I am sure that it would be excruciating if I tried. Plus, I'm playing this off like it is a bump on the elbow and not a big deal, but it was a bad fall and is kind of a big deal. So maybe this is okay. This weekend there will be no practice because of a bout on Saturday. This means I will get an entire week of rest but only miss one practice.

Meanwhile, ouch!

Monday, July 16, 2012

I Can't Stay Away from Roller Derby

As ridiculous as it seems, through all the pain and sweat and disappointment, I cannot bear the thought of leaving Roller Derby. I simply can't do it.

The truth is, I do love it. I absolutely love it.

Why? Why, when I spend every practice near tears?  Why, when I can't even get through a warm up without feeling like a failure?  When I have no hope of playing in a bout for a very long time and wouldn't know what to do if I were to find myself in one?  When I am the only struggling new girl, which is a lonely position in which to find yourself?

I can't explain it. Some of it is what I was thinking yesterday. Being involved with Roller Derby, I feel like I'm a part of something special. Roller Derby is special. If you will permit me to be utterly corny, I will say it is magical. For some of us, the first time you see Roller Derby, you KNOW you want to be a part of it. There is nothing else like it.

It's a tough sport but it doesn't try to be a boys' sport. It's a sport for tough, feminine women and the two attributes are not mutually exclusive. Skate bags are packed with instant ice packs, skate tools and duct tape as well as with makeup, tampons and body glitter. Girls can be tough without being boys.

Speaking of skate bags, I love Derby gear. I love the skates, wheels, bearings, toe stops, pads, helmets. I haven't bought new shoes in three years, but I've bought one set of skates, three sets of wheels, two sets of bearings, two mouth guards, three sets of kneepads and two sets of elbow pads in the past five months. I have a lovely new hockey style helmet that I am saving to wear as a reward once I pass minim skills. Seriously, not to sound all girly, but Roller Derby has the best accessories. That's before you even start talking about tights and glitter and eyelashes.

I am very reserved for a long time with new people, so I haven't yet formed the lasting sisterhood type friendships that Derby forges. I believe that will come. Meanwhile, I really love being a part of this group. I like being with girls who don't mind smelling bad after a good practice. I like being part of a group that appreciates the aesthetic value of a good, loud pair of socks. I love how everyone seems so confident and together but once you get to know them you realize they are often fragile as well. It is this sport and this togetherness that brings out their strength.

I absolutely love the sound generated by 20 pairs of wheels grinding to a simultaneous halt.

So I'm sucking up my pride and returning to the track on Wednesday. Maybe nobody noticed.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

I Quit!

I haven't been honest with anybody lately.

Everyone asks if I'm having fun at practice. I always say I am. This is an all-out bald faced lie. I am miserable every second of every practice. It's two hours of physical and mental battering.

I used to miserable for part of practice, but not the entire thing. It is hard work, and my body does protest. I'm not going to pretend that skating through foot cramps, back pain, muscle aches, and trembling legs is a party. It was, however until recently, extremely rewarding. Every practice I could feel improvement. It was happening faster than I thought it would. I could skate faster for longer. I learned new skills. Every practice ended with me feeling spent, but empowered.

That has all changed. My endurance has taken a nose dive. I can skate fewer laps than I could a month ago. I can't make it through the warm up. I can't hold a plank, even sissy style. Forget about honing my skills to retake the test. I am farther from passing it than I have ever been.

Twice a week I drive to practice all excited. I am going to push through. I will keep skating no matter how tough it gets. I am building endurance. This is a good thing. Today will be awesome.

Then practice starts. Five laps into the warm up, my legs shakes and my back aches. I breath fire. I bail out of the warm up drill, unable to complete it. I try to keep skating around the outside of the track, but it is sometimes all I can do to stand still on my skates. I fight against my desire to sit down. It's not so much that my body hurts as it is that I can't make it move. The mean girl in my head starts in. "You're never going to be able to do this. You're never going to be able to do this." The girl in my head gets louder as practice continues, as I struggle and fight and still must sit occasionally. Every practice ends with the exercise of holding back my tears until I make it to the car.

Today I admit defeat.

The new girl practice starts out promising but quickly slides southward. It consists of me and the one other new girl. You know - the one that's been skating for like two weeks and is ready to pass skills. We have the second track all to ourselves today.

Our warm up is laps. We are told to take ten laps each direction. Awesome! I really want to get some plain old fashioned skating in. I also need to work on my crossovers. This is so much better than trying to run warm up drills with the big girls.

Except it's not.

I struggle early. After the first five laps I'm already hurting. I'm not getting the hang of crossovers. By the time we switch direction, I can barely see anything except the track in front of me. Skate. Skate. Skate. Skate. I fudge the last lap, since they're waiting on me anyway.

As practice continues, I slide into despair. Everything is a haze of exhaustion and pain. Why am I putting myself through this? I'm only causing myself pain and disappointment. What's making it worse is we are running the best new girl drills ever. We take turns pushing then pulling each other around the track. This kind of thing is super fun, but all I can think of is how sick I feel. And, of course, how I'm never going to be good enough.

Finally I get to the last straw. We are to do five laps while leaning on each other. This is an awesome exercise, and it can help my stability. There's no way, however, that I can do five laps. We set out, and the other new girl, bless her heart, is encouraging me and trying to help push me along. I can barely see. I hear myself say out loud, "I can't do this anymore. I can't do it.". I repeat it over and over. She tells me we can get through it; just keep going. My feet are lead. My lungs are fire. I'm miserable. I simply will never be able to do this. Why do I continue to come here and kill myself?

Harmony yells that we need to pick up the pace. At this, 'm done. I'm out. I'm finished with the heat and the pain, with struggling to conquer something I will never master. Tears sting my eyes, blurring my vision further as I tell Harmony I'm going home and skate over to my bag. I pack my bag, openly weeping but trying not to burst into sobs. I sling my bag over my shoulder and head to the door.

I turn to take one final look back. Practice continues. Girls skate and stop, laugh and sweat. I hear their voices as they call out to each other, the rolling of wheels, the grinding of stopping, the clatter of pads hitting the floor.

This is the place where I was part of something special.

I get to my car and sob uncontrollably for a while. I am heartbroken. This place has been my place of misery, exhaustion, and defeat. I don't belong here. Why does the knowledge that I will never come back absolutely reduce me to shreds? I can't explain it. You'd think it would be a relief.

It's with a very heavy heart that I head home and end my time with Roller Derby.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Roller Derby Advice You Don't Want to Hear

Today I address those of you who are thinking of joining roller derby, or have just begun.

The advice I'm about to impart probably does not apply to those of you who are already athletic, adding roller derby to your already long list of sports experience. It is targeted to those of you who, like me, are in atrocious physical shape. If your remote control thumb is the most toned part of your body, if you get winded climbing half a flight of stairs, if you are pasty white because the only time you are outside is when you are walking from your car to the store (and you park as closely as possible,) if you have no sports experience, no exercise routine, and no muscle tone but really REALLY want to play roller derby, this post is directed specifically at you.

You won't like hearing it.

Here it is. It's the most important bit of knowledge I can impart to you.

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You MUST develop AND follow an actual offskates exercise regimen.
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I know you are now going to practice twice a week (or three times.) I know you are getting more exercise than you may have gotten in years.I know you come home weak and used up, and you wake the next morning sore and bruised. You're feeling satisfied and proud of yourself for the work you are putting in. This is right. You should feel proud. It is a lot of hard physical work, and it takes a lot for some of us to decide that a thing is worth all of that.

If you want to improve, however, if you want to get there, to pass your skills test, to play roller derby, and to kick ass at it, you will have to do even more. You must build your strength and endurance by adding exercise to the days you are not at practice. That's right. You must drag your sore and battered body up and get it moving.

What are the exercises to do?

Obviously the best thing to do is to skate as much as possible. Nothing builds the muscles you use to skate like skating does. Depending on your schedule and proximity to skating facilities, you may not be able to skate every day. Even if you are able to skate regularly, off skates exercising can do wonders.

The muscles that will tire as you skate are those around your ankles and shins, the tops of your thighs, and your lower back. this is what you will need to work. you will also need to develop your cardio and endurance.

I've looked it up and discussed it with girls in my team. From what I understand, it is recommended you do:
*lunges on each leg
*squats
*squat and hold
*single leg squats
*calf raises
*wall sits

For your lower back, work your core with whatever combination of sit-ups, crunches, and planks you desire.

Cardio is self explanatory, but keep in mind that derby is sustained activity with bursts of high intensity. Interval training, with 2-3 minute high intensity alternating with 3-5 minutes of moderate intensity is your best bet.

My schedule goes like this:
Sunday - practice
Monday - core and legs
Tuesday - cardio
Wednesday - practice
Thursday - core and legs
Friday - legs and cardio
Saturday - rest

In addition to concentrated exercise, get in some extra wall sits during a commercial break, do some squats while you cook dinner, etc. Find any moment you can to strengthen your legs.

The more work you do between practices, the faster you will stop fighting your own body. Once you have the strength and endurance to make it through a practice, the fun truly begins.



Thursday, July 12, 2012

Adjusting Goals

Today I make it all the way through practice without vomiting!

It is not a flawless victory. I do take frequent and long breaks. Most of these are to settle my stomach. I do admit, however, that some breaks are just because my legs are trembling and I feel I may collapse. I take a few moments to raise the volume on the voice in my head that says,"Push! You're here to work, not lollygag! You will not die. Keep going!" Sometimes I can't hear that voice through all the sweat, but I do my best to call it up. I've seen a Facebook post by a derby girl that reads, "Your legs don't hurt that bad. You CAN breathe. Keep going." I try to keep that thought in my head. That helps me push through the times when I'm just hot and tired and hurting, but isn't much help with the nausea.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just get over the fear of vomiting again. Maybe I should simply accept that puking will be a part of my summer practices and get on with it. I'm not so sure the girls would appreciate that, though. I'm not a graceful or quiet puker. Nevertheless, I have vowed to myself that if and when it does happen again I will return to practice after taking a moment to recover. Vomiting does not get me a free pass to go home early.

Warm up is rough again. I think I need to show up a little earlier to do a pre-warm up. My legs, I believe, will thank me for a more gentle introduction into the practice. Today we do a warm up drill that involves sprinting, then stopping and doing quick feet. Here's what I learn: I can't T-Stop when I'm going fast. Actually, I'll be honest. I don't actually try. I am so certain I'm going to fall gloriously if I do. Now, you know me. I fall constantly. It's no big deal. That, however is when I'm skating kind of over by myself, with lots of room around me. When I'm right next to other skaters, I am back to being afraid of falling. I try to plow down a couple of times, and a couple of times I just roll off the track and hit the wall. Finally I cry uncle and leave the drill to do laps. Looking back on it later, I wish I would have done the stops even if it meant falling in a heap every time to stay in the drill. After warm up, the rest of practice is with the new girls. We work on falls and stops again and we do some weaving. We run some suicides. I always hate to hear we'll be doing this, but I'm always so glad when we've done it. Channing, a new girl, and I work on our turns. Linda, the other new girl, leaves us all in the dust by weaving backwards through the cones. Yucky works with Linda for a while on hits. Yucky holds one of those pads you see football coaches use while Linda skates by and hits her. I join in for a couple if tries. I wish I had gotten in on that earlier. It's lots of fun and taking/giving hit is the most important thing I need to work on besides endurance. I hope we do that again on Sunday.

As much fun as I have, it's difficult to keep from being discouraged right now. Last month I was dangerously close to passing my skills test. I came back to practice determined to push through my endurance issues while polishing my other skills. I was planning to hit it hard, and I was to be ready to take the test again in a couple of weeks. Now, however, I'm finding it difficult just to skate a few laps. When I look back over the test and the week preceding it, I see this was a trend already starting. The week before the test, I tried to do my 25 laps and was crushed by my performance - or lack thereof. During the test, I found it nearly impossible to get back up after a knee drop or fall. My legs were just so weak. I hope it is the heat to blame, and not some sort of backslide in my physical condition. Either way, I'm stepping up the exercise routines between practices.

There is a big bright shiny silver lining to this. Every lap I complete, every fall from which I return, every sprint, every stop, every glide performed in this heat brings me closer to my goals. If it takes 3x the effort, I must be gaining 2x the reward, right? Someday it won't be so hot and I'll see how much stronger I've become.

I also know that I am pushing. At practice, I fear that I am not pushing myself hard enough. I am keenly aware of how much less I am doing than I was a short time ago. I wonder: am I slacking off? That is unacceptable. When I get home from practice, however, I can barely move to step into the shower. The day after practice I am nicely sore everywhere, quite painfully sore in some spots. (I'm also generally bruised.). This tells me that even though I am not doing as much or as well as I have in the past, I am legitimately stretching myself to the limit. As long as I'm pushing, I'm growing stronger. Again, someday it won't be so hot . . .

With this all in mind, it may be time to adjust my goals and expectations for myself. It is time to stop feeling discouraged and defeated. Instead, it is now time to view the heat as an obstacle to be overcome, and to focus my goals on it. I will truly make it through an entire practice without going overboard on breaks. If I absolutely cannot continue with the drill we are doing, I will not stop altogether. I will at least keep rolling. Did I write this same goal two months ago? I think I did. Sigh. Well, i met the goal in reasonable weather and now it is time to meet them in unreasonable weather. It's all about building endurance at this point.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

More Tragic and Less Tragic

After being gone entirely for over a week, and off skates for two, I show up an hour late for practice. That's right. I show up AN HOUR late for a two hour practice. I admit this was bound to happen at some point. Wednesday practice is at seven, but Sunday practice is at six. While this is fairly straightforward, it is the kind of thing that will trip me up. I usually remember because I figure Wednesday practice is later to give everyone a chance to get off work. However, one time I did head out the door at 5:15 for Wednesday practice, and now today I show up at 6:50 for Sunday practice.

How embarrassing.

The worst part is I was so proud that I was going to be on time for once. Usually I show up right at six (or seven.) This is actually late, though, because once I get there I have to hit the restroom. Anyone who's tried to pee while wearing skates and gear knows the value of getting that out of the way ahead of time. Then I have to gear up, which takes me forever. By the time I'm ready to hit the track, I'm late. Every time. Finally I am arriving with enough time to suit up! When I enter the warehouse, however, everyone's already skating. What the . . . ? Oh. Crap.

It turns out, however, that this may be a blessing. I only get to have an hour of practice, but I'm really feeling it. My ankles feel weak. My feet cramp. My shins groan a bit. My hips scream. It's not like being totally new, but I can tell that I've been a slug lately and it is uncomfortable. To top it off, it's just so very hot.

Then I feel it. A small but unmistakable wave of nausea rolls through me. I get a sip of water and rub some ice on the back of my neck. I'm okay. Everyone's hot. Obviously the human body can deal with this. I've been gulping water and gatorade for the past week so I'm well hydrated. I'll be fine. I return to the track, where I'm having lots of fun despite my discomfort. I skate a couple more laps, practice a couple more stops. Another wave rolls through. This one buckles my knees. It's not an emergency but I make my way to the restroom. I remove my helmet, splash some water on my face and hair, and feel better. I'm fine. I'm okay. I return to skating. Now it's getting to about the end of practice. Originally I had intended to see how many laps I can do in two minutes when practice was ending. Now this seems like a horrifyingly bad idea. I've got an unpleasant urpy feeling in the back of my throat. My helmet smothers me. If I can take it off, obviously all this heat in my body will be released. I remove my helmet which surprisingly does absolutely nothing to make me feel better. It is the end of practice though so I dodge the vomit bullet for today. What if I had gotten to practice on time, though? I'd never have made it.

Apparently getting sick is a trend for me now that we have hit summer weather. How do I combat this? The first thing I learned is that guzzling water during practice is not the answer. It makes me feel like there's a watermelon in my belly and contributes to the nausea. This was a big issue on skills test day. I kept feeling hot and sick so I kept drinking water which made me feel bloated and more sick. Today I employ the strategy of hydrating before, but only sipping during the practice, rubbing ice on my neck to cool off. This is a huge improvement over guzzling water during practice, but it's not getting me all the way there.

On the bright side, practice is super fun. I was the only one of my group who didnt pass skills, so I have been worried about being the only new girl. It turns out there are two brand new girls! They are great. I'm so eased to be working with them. They are starting at square one, obviously, which turns out to be perfect because it gives me the opportunity to brush up on the things I need. They are learning falls, so I am practicing popping up from a fall quickly and repeatedly. They are learning stops, so I'm improving my stops. They are learning 180 turns and . . . so am I. It's past time for me to learn this.

I spend a lot of time working on my turns. I hit the ground several times and come home with a couple of decent bruises. I still cant do them but am confident I will get it next time. I work on single leg glides, and can now almost go the whole straightaway on my right foot. (On the test I couldn't do it on my right at all.) Perhaps the most important things I think I will gain from this second round of new girl practice are endurance and confidence.

The bonus is I really like the new girls and I think they will both be staying. I look forward to learning with them. I hope I can be some help to them as I hone the last of my skills.

I also hope the heat lets up.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Prepared for Tragedy

So y'all remember that I failed my skills test, right? Well, tomorrow is my first skating practice since that day, two weeks ago.

I didn't drop out. It was a condition of circumstance that I didn't have a chance to get in a practice until now. The practice after my test was the clinic, which I came to watch but in which I could not skate. The following weekend we had a bout instead of practice. The next three practices I missed due to being out of town for the holidays.

I knew this was going to happen. I knew I would be missing some practices. I was prepared to use the time off to build myself up.

After my test, I spoke with one of the girls and she outlined a bunch of on and off skates exercises I could do to improve the areas that are lacking. I did these exercises every day. I returned to hitting the treadmill every other day. I was getting up every morning to skate up and down the street before the kids woke, and in the evenings was skating suicides in my driveway. My days were spent wearing my skates, dropping to my knees periodically, practicing standing on one foot, then the other. My husband let me practice hip and shoulder checks on him. By the time I returned to practice, I was stronger and had more endurance than before I left, and was much closer to passing my skills test.

This is how I THOUGHT it would go.

In reality, it goes more like this. I set my alarm every morning, but hit snooze until the kids wake up. I don't get on the treadmill even once. I spend some time wearing skates in my house, but it's not every day and it's not all day. I do the lunges and squats I planned, but again, not every day and without any real discipline. I do hit an outdoor skating track a couple of times on vacation, but the track is rough and I fall more than not. I cry uncle after only a few minutes.

It's amazing how motivating it is to have regular practice. When I think of skipping the treadmill or planks, I realize I have practice in a couple of days and I get up and do it. Left to my own devices for a couple of weeks I apparently turn into a slug.

The short of it is that tomorrow's practice is going to be tragic. Also, ive probably set myself pretty far back on the skills test. Sigh.

Tragedy or not, I'm super excited to finally be back at practice again. I miss my skates and my girls.

Friday, June 29, 2012

You Should Be Dancing

It was probably the second Derby Dolls bout I attended several years ago when I was struck by something. It wasn't on the track, or even during game play. It was in the center ring before the bout started. A couple of the girls were dancing. They were wearing skates and were dancing. I'm not talking about figure skating or even that roller skate dancing stuff. They wet just dancing to the music. I was awestruck. How is it possible to be so balance and comfortable on roller skates that you can just stand there and dance?

Today I am in my kitchen, wearing skates, dancing with my kids. I wear my skates around the house sometimes to build my balance and strengthen my skating muscles. Also, sometimes I just want to wear my skates. I miss them sometimes.

So I'm wearing my skates, washing dishes or something boring, when I notice the kids have broken into dance. This is a common occurrence in our home. Well, what am I to do? I start dancing.

It's a bit stilted and awkward and is quite goofy. To be honest, my dancing is always that way. I'm legitimately dancing. I'm picking up my feet, hopping a bit, turning and everything. It takes me a minute to even realize what I'm doing.

I love my skates.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Visiting Skater Clinic

I arrive quite late. We couldn't find the car keys and we couldn't find my husband's headset and one of the kids was in a grumpy mood. I just couldn't get out of the house on time. I feel awful about it. Today we have a special guest skater coming to do a clinic with the us. It is so disrespectful to be late like this. I worry a little that they won't let me in, since I missed sign up.

No worries, though. Because I have not passed my skills test, I won't be skating in the clinic. I'll just be there to take notes and watch. Since I don't need I suit up and such, I'm not all that late.

She is superb. She has an amazing teaching style, and imparts great information to us. She includes life advice as well as derby strategy, but manages to do so without sounding preachy.

In addition to watching her teach, I'm having a great time watching Christie skate in the clinic. Part of me really really wants to be out there skating with everyone, but part of me is a tad bit relieved. These exercises are way above my skillset. I fear I would have been too stressed about performing to have any fun. It does look like fun, though. Christie is out there putting her whole self into it. It's hard work but she's obviously having a blast.

When the clinic comes to an end, I realize something important. This is hard work for everyone. All of the girls - new girls and vets - are panting and glistening. As skates come off, aching feet are rubbed. Dripping knee and elbow pads are removed with the sharp rip of Velcro. Everyone is exhausted past the point of pain, yet everyone glows with happiness. It is not just me. It is not just being new. Skating your ass off is hard work. That is part of the reward.

The best part of the day, however, comes at the end. After the clinic is over, pictures are taken with the guest skater. The team is called to come get a group photo with her.

I'm not officially an team member. I did not pass my test. I can't play, or even scrimmage. I don't join the team photo. As the girls gather and prepare to say, "cheese," two or three girls tell to me, "Ramona, what are you doing? Get over here!". I'm called in to be in the team photo.

It is a little thing. Still, it means the world to me. More and more, with every practice, I feel less like a newcomer/outsider and more like a part of the group. Today I truly feel like I belong.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Decisions decisions

So, when do I retake my skills test? I need to decide on a goal and meet it.

The husband thinks I should go again next Wednesday. I am certain this is not a good idea. There aren't any practices between now and then.

I don't want to take it too soon and have the same issues I had the first time. Still, I'd like to get this under my belt. I don't want to fall into the trap of listening to my head telling me I'm not ready. I know I can do this, but a part of me will always fear that I am not ready. The longer I wait before re-taking, the louder that voice is going to become.

In short, if I wait until I'm really really ready, I'll never do it.

Next wednesday, however, is too soon. I have a plan for beating the heat, but I'd like to test it out. I'd also like to test my ability to at least go ten laps in two minutes before attempting the 25 in 5. I'd like to get a handle on my 180 turns and get a bit more practice taking and giving hip checks.

In theory I can work on all of this next Wednesday, and retake on Sunday. That is what I would really like to do - to get my test passed before the 4th of July trip. I'm talking to the Sioux Falls League about visiting and observing one of their practices. Although I'm not planning to skate with them (but will bring my gear just in case) I would still like to be able to tell them I had just passed my skills test.

I know that's silly.

What's more important is momentum. I took yesterday off, but today I'm back to my off-skates workouts and harder than ever. I'm bumping up the intensity of my treadmill time, as well as the number of sets of squats I'm doing. I'm adding more lunges, and we're going to try to finally set up the bowflex so I can get some leg training in to help with recovery time. Even though I won't have practice for a week, I'll still be building strength and endurance.

So this week I'll be focusing on off skates workouts, then we have two practices before 4th of July vacation. I'll probably miss two or three practices over the 4th, and probably will not be able/willing to focus much on working out. It will be a true week off, and I fear I will lose all the progress I am making this week. Also, if you figure I'd need a couple weeks at least after returning to prepare, that puts me in August for the test. August, of course, is hotter than June.

My plan now is to have another look at my score sheet, and see how close I would've been to passing. That will make my decision for me, really.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Minimum Skills Day - Tossing' Cookies

So this is how it goes.

We take the track and start skating. They call out t-stop. I do it. Another t-stop. This one catches me off guard and on a turn and it's quite sloppy. That's okay. 180 turn. I fall. 180 turn. I stay up but wobble. Left knee drop. I know I can do this. Nope, fall. Right knee drop. I'm excellent with these. Nope- fall. Screwing up the knee drops destroys my game face. This was my go-to. I had thought that doing flawless knee drops would help make up for other shortcomings. Now I feel defeated. In my mind, this is already over. Left leg glides- not stellar. Right leg glides- awful. One more try. Left leg glides - pretty well nail it! Yay! Right leg glides- still awful. I'm already exhausted, hot, in pain, and I'm sure I failed. Should I keep going? Why kill myself? I want to cry and I want to go home to my family. I'm wasting my time and everybody else's. Im too old and too dat and I'm never going to be able to do this. Okay, deep breath. I swallow my misery and I decide to stay. I don't want to quit.

Falls. I do a rockstar a little roughly, then a second one a bit better. I do a couple of four points, but they are rough. I have a bit of trouble getting up from them. I do my three laps squatting okay and a lap of watermelon. Then we're asked to do scissor skate, which I have never heard of. It is demonstrated, and I recognize it as a technique for learning crossovers, but I didn't know it was its own thing. I've never really practiced it. I am not stellar at it.

We take a break before doing hits. I ask Mary if I should even continue. Seriously, I feel like I'm dying. Yonus, it's just so hard to keep pushing myself when there's no hope. She says I'm doing better than I think I am. I don't believe her, but I hang in there.

There are four of us taking the test, so they pair us up for whips. Whips go very well for me. I'd like to thank Val, Harmony, and Tanya for teaching them to us. Next it is time for hits. Generally I'm not bad at hits. I'm hopeful this will go well. Now, I had thought that we would be paired with a vet for taking and giving hits. Instead, we are paired up with each other again. I am paired with Christie. This is a problem for me. You see, it's much more nerve wracking and difficult to trade hits with another newbie than it is with a vet. You both know you're not as stable, and you don't want to be too rough or to trip anybody. On top of that, Christie broke her leg a while back, and just got her cast off about two weeks ago. I already know that when I give hits I tend to accidentally lock wheels with the person I am hitting, causing both of us to go flying. I've asked the vets about this, and they say this will go away with practice.

Meanwhile, however, I'll be damned before I become the person that sends Christie back to the hospital. I'm concentrating so hard on keeping my skates away from hers that I can't even connect to her when I try to hip check.

This is awful. The sting of tears burns my eyes. My lungs are full of hot coals. I can't control my breathing; I gulp for air. The room is spinning. I've failed. Why am I still punishing myself. I remove my helmet.

"You're up Ramona."

"Nope I'm out. I think it's obvious I'm not ready."

"Ramona, you really are doing better than you think. There are only a couple of skills left."

Okay. Here I go. I surprise myself with my weaves, do my jumps, attempt the bounce-off-the-rail exercise, and fight my way through quick feet.

It's time for laps. 25 laps in 5 minutes. You know what? I'm going to do this. I want to know that I can make this happen. I'm no longer trying to pass or to impress anybody else. I need to grab this strength from inside myself. I take a drink and get to the track.

The whistle blows. I take off. I keep up with the others. I'm doing it. I'm exhausted and I hurt all over and I'm discouraged but I'm doing it. It's crazy hot in here and I'm woozy and nauseous but I'm doing it.

I'm very woozy and nauseous.

Extremely woozy and nauseous.

Make that dizzy and sick. Very sick. If I don't get off this track RIGHT NOW I'm going to vomit. I slow down and step off the track. I'm disappointed but need to recover.

Oops, too late.

As my skates hit the floor outside the track, I realize there is no stopping what is about to happen. Can I make it to the bathroom, or do I need the trash can? I think I can make the bathroom.

As I head that way, I hear, "Ramona keep going, you can do it!"

Nope. I can't.

I can, however skate the fastest I have ever skated in my life, jump over the huge crack in the floor, hurl myself sideways into the bathroom hallway, and do a rockstar knee slide up to the toilet. I do all of this while removing my mouth guard and helmet. I make it in time- barely.

I am quite embarrassed though.

Vera says I can work on a few things and try again as soon as I am ready. I'd like to try again in a couple of weeks. How do I get ready?

I think a lot of my trouble is the heat. For the past couple of weeks, my endurance is shot. I'm like a brand new skater again. That's why I'm screwing up knee drops and such. I just feel like my body can't do it. I had thought it was a mental thing and I just had to push through it. I think my body's signal is pretty clear now, though.

Any ideas how to increase endurance and reduce vomiting when skating in the heat?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Final Countdown to Minimum Skills - One Day Left!

I'm crazy nervous, but I'm taking today off. I need a day of rest, and a day with my family.

I'm going to the lake bitches!

I'll report on my test tomorrow evening or Monday.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Final Countdown to Minimum Skills - 2 Days

I'm so nervous! I have butterflies in my stomach every time I think about Sunday.

Today we have the Rookie Round Up. All the new girls and some of the vets are meeting at Vera's house to clean our skates and gossip. I'm really looking forward to it.

On the way there, I plan to stop at the skating rink to practice cornering. As I head out, however, I have the forethought to call and check their hours. They don't open until later. What? This is summer break! Shouldn't they have some daytime hours on a Friday?

I make a last minute change in plans and swing by the bike trails. I won't really be able to practice cornering but I will be able to get some skate time in. Of course, this means changing out my wheels to my soft outdoor wheels again. This takes about 20 minutes, leaving me with 10 minutes to skate. I take that ten minutes and skate my butt off. I get outside in 1000 degree heat with 150% humidity in my soft skates on a slightly sloped surface and skate a hard and fast as I can. By the end of what becomes 15 minutes, I am panting and my thighs burn. I think I got a good workout in considering the time.

Now off to the roundup! I had been looking forward to seeing the girls without being all sweaty and smelly. I guess that's all out the window now. I arrive stringy haired and slightly smelly, still damp from my outdoor skating excursion. Nobody seems to mind, and I settle in for the evening.

Together we disassemble, clean and oil our wheels and bearings. More importantly, we talk. This is not a formal event of any kind. Rather, it is an inclusion of the new girls into the chatter and discussions of the vets. They talk about their hopes for our league, the strengths and weaknesses of past, present, and prospective team members, and the merits of neighboring leagues. They catch up on the lives of skaters that are no longer with the league. Perhaps for our benefit, they share their experiences with the minimum skills test.

It is not all about Derby, however. They talk about husbands, kids, and the upcoming Father's Day. They talk about Bath Salts and the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. They talk about surround sound and how the new high definition TVs make all the special effects look fake.

Roller derby is what brought these women together, but it is not the only glue that binds them. They have shared many experiences in their tim together. They genuinely care about what is going on in each other's lives.

Before tonight, even though everyone has been welcoming and friendly, I still felt like an observer. Now I feel more a part of things.

I am growing very fond of this group of women. I hope I can remain with them for quite a while.

I hope cleaning my skates doesn't jinx the test.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Final Countdown to Minimum Skills - 3 Days

My plans to run drills in the garage before the kids wake up are thwarted when one of the kids wakes up a SIX freakin A.M.! Poor guy. I don't think he feels well.

It's probably for the best. Sure, my weaves could use some work, but overall I feel okay about my basic skills. I worked a lot of things out in Wednesday's practice, and feeling a lot more confident overall. My ability to pass or fail most of the test will depend on the expectations. If I need to do passable knee drops, hits and whips, I'll be fine. If I need to do expert knee drops, hard hits, and powerful whips, I'm out of luck. Either way, an hour in the garage isn't going to help me.

The huge variable for me is the 25 laps. I am certain that I can do more than 17 laps in 5 minutes, but I don't know how close I can get to 25. I have some strategies in place now. Thanks to my team mates, I now know the sweet spot in the track. I can't exactly do crossovers, but I can kind of step around the corners in a way that saves a LOT of wear and tear on my left leg. I don't know if these strategies will improve my speed, but I believe they must improve my stamina since I no longer feel my legs are going to fall off after five laps. That has to help. Not feeling like you're losing your legs can only be a good thing.

It does seem that my time between now and the test is best spent improving my endurance. I replace garage time with treadmill time. In the morning and the evening, I hit the treadmill for 30 (25) minutes. I alternate walking at a good clip with running (jogging) for two (one and a half) minutes at a time.

I feel good.