Roller Derby Minimum Skills Test Coming Up Again

Squeeeeee! Also, aaaaugh!

A couple of other girls are going to be eligible soon, so it looks like there will be another test within a couple of weeks. I already told the coach I want in on it. No more putting it off.

I'm glad I've waited this long, though. I've had a lot of fear, negativity and uncertainty to battle. I went through a stretch where I hated going to practice, a stretch where I was defeated and depressed, and a stretch where I felt like an outsider. I now feel very much like a member of the team, look forward to practice every week, and am scared but excited to try new things. It would have sucked to have passed the test and started scrimmaging with those horrible attitudes. I would have hated every second of it. Now I'm chomping at the bit to scrimmage. I'm really looking forward to being a full-fledged derby player

I'm so scared that I won't pass. Can I do all the skills on the test? Yes. Can I skate 25 laps? Yeppers. Can I do it in 5 minutes? Close enough. Can I do it without vomiting? Nope.

Getting sick has become a regular part of my roller derby experience. Looking back, I remember as a teenager I would get sick when I exercised too hard especially if it was sudden, if i didn't warm up or went suddenly from walking to running. This is what's happening now. I can skate the entire two hours, working my ass off, sweating, pushing, needing many Aleve the next day, and I'm fine. Ask me to sprint, however, and the drill ends with me racing off to the toilet. Hopefully this will go away as I become more used to the exercise. It's just another step in my road to increasing my stamina and health.

Today I get sick right away. Our warm up is sprinting. We are to go for two minutes, counting our laps. I'm so excited. I will need to do ten laps in two minutes, no leniency, to pass skills. I'm elated to have this chance to test myself.

Elation turns to anger as I feel the nausea rising around lap five. I tell myself not to slow down. Slowing doesn't help. It doesn't make me less likely to puke. It just makes me slower.

I slow down.

Anger turns into misery as the two minutes end and I didn't even make 8 laps. Then I go vomit. I was so sure I'd be able to pass skills. Now it doesn't look like much of a possibility. I cry a bit during stretches. What am I going to do?

The husband and I have this agreement. I need to take skills the next time it is available, and I need to pass. If I don't pass, I will have to quit. Derby is taking a lot of my time and attention, taking time away from my family, causing the husband to have to take off work while I attend an event or get X-rays. It's true I really have other things (income generating things) that are getting less attention than they need right now, while I devote time and attention to derby. There's a lot of pressure on this test. There are no re-takes for me. I pass this, or I fail derby.

If I do not pass, I plan to devote time to skating, cardio workouts, and strength training. I plan to lose weight. I plan to be 30 lbs lighter and skills test ready by the time the holidays are over, so I can return to Derby. Is this realistic? I don't know. The truth is, if I had been dedicated to losing weight and consistently exercising while I've been in derby, I wouldn't be facing this now. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be passed and playing if I had taken my own advice about off skates workouts. This is important to me, though. Plus it may be easier to keep to a routine if I'm not battling twisted joints and minor injuries. In any case, if I must quit, I'm going to consider it a trial separation. If I can be test ready by mid January, I will join back up. If I fall into laziness and mid January finds my skates gathering dust and my waistline expanding, I will ditch my gear and say my final farewell.

Now is not the time to think about that. Now is the time to concentrate on passing next week.

I have a strategy. I will skate around my block once a day (weather permitting) between now and then. Once around my block is about a mile, so it's equal to 25 laps. I won't time myself but will alternate sprinting with rest, increasing the sprint times. If I cannot skate, I will jog on my treadmill. I will do some strength training- at least planks, wall-sits and calf raises every day. I will drink 64 ounces of water daily.

On test day, I will eat lightly but I will eat. I will go for a leisurely skate before practice to get pre-warmed up. At the test, I will place trash cans next to the track. No matter how much I think I am GOING to throw up, I will not slow down or leave the track. I do not have to anticipate or find the restroom; the cans will be right there if I need them. I will sprint all out for ten laps. If I need to puke after that, I will. But I need to make that first ten in two minutes. Then, even if I have to stop to vomit, I WILL skate all 25 laps. If it takes me an hour, if I have to vomit every other lap, if I start falling every third stride, I will at least finish the task.

That's the plan.

Decisions decisions

So, when do I retake my skills test? I need to decide on a goal and meet it.

The husband thinks I should go again next Wednesday. I am certain this is not a good idea. There aren't any practices between now and then.

I don't want to take it too soon and have the same issues I had the first time. Still, I'd like to get this under my belt. I don't want to fall into the trap of listening to my head telling me I'm not ready. I know I can do this, but a part of me will always fear that I am not ready. The longer I wait before re-taking, the louder that voice is going to become.

In short, if I wait until I'm really really ready, I'll never do it.

Next wednesday, however, is too soon. I have a plan for beating the heat, but I'd like to test it out. I'd also like to test my ability to at least go ten laps in two minutes before attempting the 25 in 5. I'd like to get a handle on my 180 turns and get a bit more practice taking and giving hip checks.

In theory I can work on all of this next Wednesday, and retake on Sunday. That is what I would really like to do - to get my test passed before the 4th of July trip. I'm talking to the Sioux Falls League about visiting and observing one of their practices. Although I'm not planning to skate with them (but will bring my gear just in case) I would still like to be able to tell them I had just passed my skills test.

I know that's silly.

What's more important is momentum. I took yesterday off, but today I'm back to my off-skates workouts and harder than ever. I'm bumping up the intensity of my treadmill time, as well as the number of sets of squats I'm doing. I'm adding more lunges, and we're going to try to finally set up the bowflex so I can get some leg training in to help with recovery time. Even though I won't have practice for a week, I'll still be building strength and endurance.

So this week I'll be focusing on off skates workouts, then we have two practices before 4th of July vacation. I'll probably miss two or three practices over the 4th, and probably will not be able/willing to focus much on working out. It will be a true week off, and I fear I will lose all the progress I am making this week. Also, if you figure I'd need a couple weeks at least after returning to prepare, that puts me in August for the test. August, of course, is hotter than June.

My plan now is to have another look at my score sheet, and see how close I would've been to passing. That will make my decision for me, really.

Minimum Skills Day - Tossing' Cookies

So this is how it goes.

We take the track and start skating. They call out t-stop. I do it. Another t-stop. This one catches me off guard and on a turn and it's quite sloppy. That's okay. 180 turn. I fall. 180 turn. I stay up but wobble. Left knee drop. I know I can do this. Nope, fall. Right knee drop. I'm excellent with these. Nope- fall. Screwing up the knee drops destroys my game face. This was my go-to. I had thought that doing flawless knee drops would help make up for other shortcomings. Now I feel defeated. In my mind, this is already over. Left leg glides- not stellar. Right leg glides- awful. One more try. Left leg glides - pretty well nail it! Yay! Right leg glides- still awful. I'm already exhausted, hot, in pain, and I'm sure I failed. Should I keep going? Why kill myself? I want to cry and I want to go home to my family. I'm wasting my time and everybody else's. Im too old and too dat and I'm never going to be able to do this. Okay, deep breath. I swallow my misery and I decide to stay. I don't want to quit.

Falls. I do a rockstar a little roughly, then a second one a bit better. I do a couple of four points, but they are rough. I have a bit of trouble getting up from them. I do my three laps squatting okay and a lap of watermelon. Then we're asked to do scissor skate, which I have never heard of. It is demonstrated, and I recognize it as a technique for learning crossovers, but I didn't know it was its own thing. I've never really practiced it. I am not stellar at it.

We take a break before doing hits. I ask Mary if I should even continue. Seriously, I feel like I'm dying. Yonus, it's just so hard to keep pushing myself when there's no hope. She says I'm doing better than I think I am. I don't believe her, but I hang in there.

There are four of us taking the test, so they pair us up for whips. Whips go very well for me. I'd like to thank Val, Harmony, and Tanya for teaching them to us. Next it is time for hits. Generally I'm not bad at hits. I'm hopeful this will go well. Now, I had thought that we would be paired with a vet for taking and giving hits. Instead, we are paired up with each other again. I am paired with Christie. This is a problem for me. You see, it's much more nerve wracking and difficult to trade hits with another newbie than it is with a vet. You both know you're not as stable, and you don't want to be too rough or to trip anybody. On top of that, Christie broke her leg a while back, and just got her cast off about two weeks ago. I already know that when I give hits I tend to accidentally lock wheels with the person I am hitting, causing both of us to go flying. I've asked the vets about this, and they say this will go away with practice.

Meanwhile, however, I'll be damned before I become the person that sends Christie back to the hospital. I'm concentrating so hard on keeping my skates away from hers that I can't even connect to her when I try to hip check.

This is awful. The sting of tears burns my eyes. My lungs are full of hot coals. I can't control my breathing; I gulp for air. The room is spinning. I've failed. Why am I still punishing myself. I remove my helmet.

"You're up Ramona."

"Nope I'm out. I think it's obvious I'm not ready."

"Ramona, you really are doing better than you think. There are only a couple of skills left."

Okay. Here I go. I surprise myself with my weaves, do my jumps, attempt the bounce-off-the-rail exercise, and fight my way through quick feet.

It's time for laps. 25 laps in 5 minutes. You know what? I'm going to do this. I want to know that I can make this happen. I'm no longer trying to pass or to impress anybody else. I need to grab this strength from inside myself. I take a drink and get to the track.

The whistle blows. I take off. I keep up with the others. I'm doing it. I'm exhausted and I hurt all over and I'm discouraged but I'm doing it. It's crazy hot in here and I'm woozy and nauseous but I'm doing it.

I'm very woozy and nauseous.

Extremely woozy and nauseous.

Make that dizzy and sick. Very sick. If I don't get off this track RIGHT NOW I'm going to vomit. I slow down and step off the track. I'm disappointed but need to recover.

Oops, too late.

As my skates hit the floor outside the track, I realize there is no stopping what is about to happen. Can I make it to the bathroom, or do I need the trash can? I think I can make the bathroom.

As I head that way, I hear, "Ramona keep going, you can do it!"

Nope. I can't.

I can, however skate the fastest I have ever skated in my life, jump over the huge crack in the floor, hurl myself sideways into the bathroom hallway, and do a rockstar knee slide up to the toilet. I do all of this while removing my mouth guard and helmet. I make it in time- barely.

I am quite embarrassed though.

Vera says I can work on a few things and try again as soon as I am ready. I'd like to try again in a couple of weeks. How do I get ready?

I think a lot of my trouble is the heat. For the past couple of weeks, my endurance is shot. I'm like a brand new skater again. That's why I'm screwing up knee drops and such. I just feel like my body can't do it. I had thought it was a mental thing and I just had to push through it. I think my body's signal is pretty clear now, though.

Any ideas how to increase endurance and reduce vomiting when skating in the heat?

Final Countdown to Minimum Skills - 4 Days

Today is Wednesday. It is the final practice before our skills test on Sunday.

Deep breaths!

I try to work on my speed and crossovers during the warm up. The results of this effort are that I wear myself out and I get wicked cramping above my outside ankles.

I am thrilled to report, however, that going back to slightly firmer bushings has resolved a lot of my recent agonies! This is nothing short of miraculous and is a huge relief. I no longer feel wobbly. I no longer feel like ice picks are jabbing into my ankles. What's more, I no longer feel like quitting derby altogether after three laps.

After warming up and having a much needed stretch, we run a weaving drill. We get into pairs and line up. The pair in the back then weaves through the other pairs until they are at the front. Once every pair has weaved through, the pair in the front then weaves backwards through the other pairs until they are in the back. At first this is terrifying. How will I manage this? Pack skating in general makes me intensely uncomfortable. Slicing back and forth behind and in front of pther skaters? This is the definition of Outside the Comfort Zone. I am paired with Melinda, however, and she is such a huge help. She guides me with words and with her hand on my wrist she encourages me. Together we make our way to the front an then again to the back. The other ladies help as well, adjusting their speeds to make it easier for me to get between them. I begin the drill feeling the sting of tears as I fear I will be unable to do this. I finish up feeling amazing.

Even though this is fun, I am relieved when they have us new girls break off from the rest of practice. I really need to focus on the upcoming test. Harmony and Tanya are our instructors today. Yay!

This practice is driven by the new girls. We talk about what we feel we lack, and then we work on it. I get a lot of great practice, and I have so much more confidence now. Harmony and Tanya are both exceptional instructors, alternating between giving direction and encouragement.

Suddenly, I remember. Whips are in the test. I've done them before, but I'm certain Christie hasn't. I point this out. I'm so glad I did. Christie didn't know we are to be tested on whips, and I was correct that she's never done them. I would have hated it if she had gotten to the test and had a shock. We practice whips.

At the end of practice, I think we're going to do the 25 in 5 again. Of course now I have to use the restroom. I rush to the potty and try to hurry, but peeing in a tiny bathroom while wearing skates, pads and spandex takes some coordination and a bit of extra time. It should be on the skills test! Upon emerging from the restroom, I see Christie and Melinda skating laps. Someone yells, "Ramona, 25 in 5!" I rush over to the track, but I notice the other girls aren't exactly booking it. Then I'm told they're not timing us. We're just skating laps. Okay. I set a brisk pace, planning to go 25 laps. Around lap 15, however, we are stopped so the vets can run one more drill. Darn it. I wish I'd done the 25, and I wish I'd've asked someone to time me. For some reason, I feel like it would be embarrassing to be out there grunting and yelling and whimpering through the laps when nobody else is. I could really use that benchmark, though.

I feel good. I feel optimistic. I feel strong. Tomorrow morning I will wake to some drills and then will go to a rink in the afternoon.

I can do this.

Minimum Skills?!? Ba Ba Bummmmmm!

I knew the skills test would be coming up soon, but I thought it would be in 2-3 weeks. Next week we have a bout and a training clinic, so I assumed it would be after all of that.

As the saying goes, assuming made an ass of me. We're doing the skills test BEFORE. We're doing it THIS COMING SUNDAY. Oof.

I won't have a practice available to just work on learning crossovers. I don't have a month to increase treadmill time and therefore endurance. Everything I keep thinking I need to work on? It's do or die time.

We have one practice between now and the test. Eeeep! (I'm pretty sure a real Derby player never says eeep.)

We did a mock skills test yesterday, after which I went to my car and sobbed. I am so not ready.

Thing start going poorly right off the bat during our warm up. We are to do ten laps each direction. I think i manage four. I don't know if it's the heat or the new bushings or what, but for the past week my legs turn to jello after just a couple of laps. By lap four, I'm struggling just to stand. By lap six every muscle is stressed to the max, and I'm fighting the urge to puke. It's like my first practice all over again. It doesn't get any easier as the practice goes on. I can't make it all the way through a single exercise without just collapsing. The world spins. My legs declare mutiny. It is awful.

After the warm up, we move on to practicing skills for the test. We start with "leisurely" laps, during which certain drops and stops are called at random intervals. I nail the left knee drop and the T-stop, which are both sketchy for me. Yay! I slam to the floor, however, doing the right knee drop which is usually consistent for me. Dammit. How could I have screwed up the easy one?

"Try it again, Ramona."

I would absolutely LOVE to try it again, to show you I can do it. I would love to prove I am worthy. In order to try it again, however, I must first get up off the floor. This is more difficult with each fall, and I've had several today. I fight my way to standing, push off, and successfully perform the knee drop. Whew! The 180 turns, however, are a different beast. I can do those if I'm skating very sloowwly. If I've already slowed myself to a neat stop, I can then spin around and put a toe down. Turning while actually moving forward, well, it results in me having to get up like six times.

Have you ever fallen down and seen the drops of sweat that dropped off your body when you hit the floor? It's pretty gross.

We go through weaving, jumping, taking and giving hits. I have varying degrees of success and have to get up 8-12 more times. The whole time, all I can think about is the final test: the 25 in 5. The massive undertaking looms large and heavy before me. It affects my ability to focus on the now.

Finally, the moment arrives. It is time to attempt 25 laps in 5 minutes on my aching wobbly legs. I have tried this once before. I gave it everything and managed 17 laps. My goal for today is 21.

I skate (drumroll) 16 laps. I am crushed, and I am fighting the tears. It is not just that I fell so far short that has me so upset. It is that I know I didn't give it everything this time. Physically, I could've driven harder, gone farther, pushed through the pain. Mentally, my head was not in it. I couldn't find my inner strength, that voice inside that says, "one more step, now one more step, now just get through one more step."

I just really let myself down.

I would have blogged right after practice, but I couldn't move even my thumbs. It's a good thing, because what you would have seen here would have been depressing an defeated. I spent all evening and part of this morning in a deep blue funk.

Today, however, is a new day. I know what I need to work on. Many of the things on which I am falling short only need a bit of work to perfect. I have a week. I can do this.

I need a theme song to get me through the 25 laps. I'm thinking The Sockness by Disturbed or Drowning Pool's Bodies.

I can do this. I will do this.

Hey Baby Wanna Sit on Santa's 25 Laps?

Today is a great day. I'm completely spent, but in an I-know-I-Gave-Everything-I-Had way, and that's awesome.

Today Annie and I are the new girls. We warm up with everyone else. We do laps with them, and Vera calls out different things to do, like sprint or quick feet. I just skate. I keep skating. I don't have to stop to stretch my feet, catch my breath, or drink water. We do our stretches, then practice begins.

We run drills with the vets today. This is always fun. We do one on one booty blocking. I skate in front of a girl and try to stop her going around me while she pretends she is trying to get past. Then, I try desperately to get around her while she effortlessly prevents my progress. When we're all the way around the track, we get back in line and shuffle around so we're paired up with someone different on the next go round.

Here's the best thing about one-on-one blocking, beside the fact that we get some contact: the vets coach us through it. I learn so much.

"Now look behind you. See where I'm coming from. Cut over in front of me. Use your booty. Swing your hips this way. Remember you can control where I go. Use your plow to slow me down "

"Okay, I see you coming up on my right, so keep coming and then use your quick feet to try to get around my left. Keep your arms down. You don't want to get a penalty."

It's this that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I feel like the girls really want me to do well, and I'm so glad I chose the Outlaws.

At the end of practice, we do five laps each way. Already worn out, the first five laps really take it out of me. Going the other way, however, is murder! I didn't realize how strong my left leg had become. Now that I compare it to my right leg, however, ugh. By the third lap, it's killing me. Vera sees me struggling and comes to skate in front of me bin a repeat of our first practice together, she skates backwards in front of me shouting word ls of encouragement. With her help, I make it the rest of the way.

Just when I think i can go no father, practice is over.

Until . . .

I hear Mandy and Vera have a discussion whether Annie and I should attempt 25 laps in 5 minutes. I zip my lip. I would absolutely love to test my mettle, but there is an extremely loud and wussy part of me that would also love to not pick up my legs anymore today.

They decide to go ahead with the laps. I am equal parts sickened and thrilled by this. Actually, I'm more thrilled than sickened. I don't know when the skills test will be offered, but it will not be much longer I'm sure. I'd like some indication of how ready I am.

Annie and I get to the track. A couple of the vets join us. Jamie pairs with me to cheer me through. The whistle blows. I sprint as fast as I can. Five, six, seven laps. My left leg, the one I lean on during turns, lodges repeated protests. I continue.

Eight, nine, ten laps. Yay! Before this practice, I would have predicted that I could only do eight laps total. After doing the ten laps at the end of practice, I felt sure I could not skate more than that. Here I am, though, ten laps in and still going.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen laps. I alternate between whimpering and roaring. I slow down for half a lap, then gather my strength for another big push. My periods of "rest" (a relative term) get longer as I run out of steam.

"30 seconds, ladies!"

"aaaaaighhh!". This is me yelling as I make my final push.

The whistle blows. I collapse into a four-point. Mandy says I need to skate another couple of laps to cool down. I honestly believe she is kidding. She isn't. She skates over to me and together we go a couple of times around the track.

I got 17 laps, which exceeded my own expectations. Mandy says that we will work on crossovers over the next couple of weeks and that will increase my speed and make the laps easier on me.

I'm sure that next time I will get 21 laps, and the next it will be at least 25.

Bring it.