I knew the skills test would be coming up soon, but I thought it would be in 2-3 weeks. Next week we have a bout and a training clinic, so I assumed it would be after all of that.
As the saying goes, assuming made an ass of me. We're doing the skills test BEFORE. We're doing it THIS COMING SUNDAY. Oof.
I won't have a practice available to just work on learning crossovers. I don't have a month to increase treadmill time and therefore endurance. Everything I keep thinking I need to work on? It's do or die time.
We have one practice between now and the test. Eeeep! (I'm pretty sure a real Derby player never says eeep.)
We did a mock skills test yesterday, after which I went to my car and sobbed. I am so not ready.
Thing start going poorly right off the bat during our warm up. We are to do ten laps each direction. I think i manage four. I don't know if it's the heat or the new bushings or what, but for the past week my legs turn to jello after just a couple of laps. By lap four, I'm struggling just to stand. By lap six every muscle is stressed to the max, and I'm fighting the urge to puke. It's like my first practice all over again. It doesn't get any easier as the practice goes on. I can't make it all the way through a single exercise without just collapsing. The world spins. My legs declare mutiny. It is awful.
After the warm up, we move on to practicing skills for the test. We start with "leisurely" laps, during which certain drops and stops are called at random intervals. I nail the left knee drop and the T-stop, which are both sketchy for me. Yay! I slam to the floor, however, doing the right knee drop which is usually consistent for me. Dammit. How could I have screwed up the easy one?
"Try it again, Ramona."
I would absolutely LOVE to try it again, to show you I can do it. I would love to prove I am worthy. In order to try it again, however, I must first get up off the floor. This is more difficult with each fall, and I've had several today. I fight my way to standing, push off, and successfully perform the knee drop. Whew! The 180 turns, however, are a different beast. I can do those if I'm skating very sloowwly. If I've already slowed myself to a neat stop, I can then spin around and put a toe down. Turning while actually moving forward, well, it results in me having to get up like six times.
Have you ever fallen down and seen the drops of sweat that dropped off your body when you hit the floor? It's pretty gross.
We go through weaving, jumping, taking and giving hits. I have varying degrees of success and have to get up 8-12 more times. The whole time, all I can think about is the final test: the 25 in 5. The massive undertaking looms large and heavy before me. It affects my ability to focus on the now.
Finally, the moment arrives. It is time to attempt 25 laps in 5 minutes on my aching wobbly legs. I have tried this once before. I gave it everything and managed 17 laps. My goal for today is 21.
I skate (drumroll) 16 laps. I am crushed, and I am fighting the tears. It is not just that I fell so far short that has me so upset. It is that I know I didn't give it everything this time. Physically, I could've driven harder, gone farther, pushed through the pain. Mentally, my head was not in it. I couldn't find my inner strength, that voice inside that says, "one more step, now one more step, now just get through one more step."
I just really let myself down.
I would have blogged right after practice, but I couldn't move even my thumbs. It's a good thing, because what you would have seen here would have been depressing an defeated. I spent all evening and part of this morning in a deep blue funk.
Today, however, is a new day. I know what I need to work on. Many of the things on which I am falling short only need a bit of work to perfect. I have a week. I can do this.
I need a theme song to get me through the 25 laps. I'm thinking The Sockness by Disturbed or Drowning Pool's Bodies.
I can do this. I will do this.
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