Squeeeeee! Also, aaaaugh!
A couple of other girls are going to be eligible soon, so it looks like there will be another test within a couple of weeks. I already told the coach I want in on it. No more putting it off.
I'm glad I've waited this long, though. I've had a lot of fear, negativity and uncertainty to battle. I went through a stretch where I hated going to practice, a stretch where I was defeated and depressed, and a stretch where I felt like an outsider. I now feel very much like a member of the team, look forward to practice every week, and am scared but excited to try new things. It would have sucked to have passed the test and started scrimmaging with those horrible attitudes. I would have hated every second of it. Now I'm chomping at the bit to scrimmage. I'm really looking forward to being a full-fledged derby player
I'm so scared that I won't pass. Can I do all the skills on the test? Yes. Can I skate 25 laps? Yeppers. Can I do it in 5 minutes? Close enough. Can I do it without vomiting? Nope.
Getting sick has become a regular part of my roller derby experience. Looking back, I remember as a teenager I would get sick when I exercised too hard especially if it was sudden, if i didn't warm up or went suddenly from walking to running. This is what's happening now. I can skate the entire two hours, working my ass off, sweating, pushing, needing many Aleve the next day, and I'm fine. Ask me to sprint, however, and the drill ends with me racing off to the toilet. Hopefully this will go away as I become more used to the exercise. It's just another step in my road to increasing my stamina and health.
Today I get sick right away. Our warm up is sprinting. We are to go for two minutes, counting our laps. I'm so excited. I will need to do ten laps in two minutes, no leniency, to pass skills. I'm elated to have this chance to test myself.
Elation turns to anger as I feel the nausea rising around lap five. I tell myself not to slow down. Slowing doesn't help. It doesn't make me less likely to puke. It just makes me slower.
I slow down.
Anger turns into misery as the two minutes end and I didn't even make 8 laps. Then I go vomit. I was so sure I'd be able to pass skills. Now it doesn't look like much of a possibility. I cry a bit during stretches. What am I going to do?
The husband and I have this agreement. I need to take skills the next time it is available, and I need to pass. If I don't pass, I will have to quit. Derby is taking a lot of my time and attention, taking time away from my family, causing the husband to have to take off work while I attend an event or get X-rays. It's true I really have other things (income generating things) that are getting less attention than they need right now, while I devote time and attention to derby. There's a lot of pressure on this test. There are no re-takes for me. I pass this, or I fail derby.
If I do not pass, I plan to devote time to skating, cardio workouts, and strength training. I plan to lose weight. I plan to be 30 lbs lighter and skills test ready by the time the holidays are over, so I can return to Derby. Is this realistic? I don't know. The truth is, if I had been dedicated to losing weight and consistently exercising while I've been in derby, I wouldn't be facing this now. There is no doubt in my mind that I would be passed and playing if I had taken my own advice about off skates workouts. This is important to me, though. Plus it may be easier to keep to a routine if I'm not battling twisted joints and minor injuries. In any case, if I must quit, I'm going to consider it a trial separation. If I can be test ready by mid January, I will join back up. If I fall into laziness and mid January finds my skates gathering dust and my waistline expanding, I will ditch my gear and say my final farewell.
Now is not the time to think about that. Now is the time to concentrate on passing next week.
I have a strategy. I will skate around my block once a day (weather permitting) between now and then. Once around my block is about a mile, so it's equal to 25 laps. I won't time myself but will alternate sprinting with rest, increasing the sprint times. If I cannot skate, I will jog on my treadmill. I will do some strength training- at least planks, wall-sits and calf raises every day. I will drink 64 ounces of water daily.
On test day, I will eat lightly but I will eat. I will go for a leisurely skate before practice to get pre-warmed up. At the test, I will place trash cans next to the track. No matter how much I think I am GOING to throw up, I will not slow down or leave the track. I do not have to anticipate or find the restroom; the cans will be right there if I need them. I will sprint all out for ten laps. If I need to puke after that, I will. But I need to make that first ten in two minutes. Then, even if I have to stop to vomit, I WILL skate all 25 laps. If it takes me an hour, if I have to vomit every other lap, if I start falling every third stride, I will at least finish the task.
That's the plan.
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