Today at practice I put my new (if slightly forced) attitude to work.
First I must swallow my panic as I realize the other new girl is not skating. Will they pull someone out of practice just to work with me? Do I want them to do that? I'll feel guilty if someone has to miss out on drills to work with me, and frankly I don't know what I'd work on. Does this mean I have to run drills with the other girls? What if I can't do it? What if I cry again, or puke? I don't think i can do it. Suddenly I realize I haven't even started anything yet and I'm already frustrated to the point of tears. Time for an attitude change.
Mental slap. Ramona, what have we been discussing with ourselves? I am here TO DO things I cannot do. This is exciting. i look forward to seeing how well I can hang in there.
The drill we are working on today is about a certain kind of block. For those of you in the know, I can say it's kind of like a J-hook with your hips instead of with your shoulder. When someone approaches you from behind, you get down real low, and then pop up as you hip check her. It's kind of awkward. To practice the technique, we are to take turns getting on the track two at a time. One girl comes up behind, and the other girl tries to use this block. Each pair goes for a lap, and then the next pair goes.
Can I attempt this? It's not sprinting or endurance. It is, however, a full contact drill. Intimidating. What if I wind up in the rotation with someone who doesn't play nice with the new girl? I really have been wanting to work on taking and giving hits, though. I failed that part of my skills test. At home, I daydream about getting in there and doing some hits. Am I going to chicken out now that the opportunity has arisen? No way. I'm going for it.
What if they don't think it's a good idea for me to do this drill? Who cares? I'm going for it. Instead of hanging back and waiting for someone to either invite me to the drill or suggest it may be too much for me, I jump into the middle of the track. If they feel strongly that I shouldn't do this, let them come to me.
I do admit, however, to starting at the end of the line. I don't jump right to the front. I'm not crazy.
As I watch the girls ahead of it perform the drill, I realize something I had forgotten. They are all here to learn new things. Even though they are all much more skilled than I am overall, this specific maneuver is new to almost everyone. I watch as they help each other, fall, laugh, cuss. I hear girls who have been skating for years say things like, "Wait, I don't get it. Was that right? Can I try that again?" I see the other newer girls asking for help from the person they're paired with.
I am not alone. I do not battle the gods of heat and endurance wrapped in my own personal blanket of misery. I am part of a team. My teammates are struggling and fighting and sweating with me. We are at different levels, but we all strive to improve.
I have so much fun skating this drill! I get knocked over some but not always. The girls I skate with talk me through it the whole way. At one point I skate against the coach. She comes in for a hit, and falls! Obviously nobody's coming at me full force, and she's going easy on me. Still, she wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't been steadier than she expected.
Later in line, Marnie says to me, "I heard a compliment about you. I overheard coach saying how solid you are."
I am elated. The pain in my legs and feet diminishes as I am now lighter than air. Solid? Hell yes! Awesome.
Scrimmaging starts and I cannot join in so I spend some time watching and some time walking on my toe stops. I wish I could do laps, but Wednesday is the day that the other track is unavailable. I am itching to try to do 25 laps. Toe stop work is good too, though.
What would have otherwise been an excellent practice is marred by a huge pile up in the scrimmage. Three girls get hurt pretty badly. Scary. I think of injuries as happening in bouts, but the thought of injuries during practice scares me a lot. For now I concentrate on well wishes for the hurt girls and the glory of coach saying I'm solid. I feel so close to everyone today. I love it here.
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