Warm up is the usual nightmarish hell. I start by skating some laps on shaking legs, body tense, wobbling like newborn Bambi. After just a few minutes, my legs are screaming in agony and I'm taking multiple breaks "to stretch." Thoughts of quitting flutter once again into my brain. This time the thoughts are rather easily swatted away. I now recognize that it takes me while to get my skate legs, and I just need to power through it as best I can. It will get better after a bit. Of course by then I'm exhausted and sore, but it's better than this shaky feeling. At one point during the pre-warm up I realize I have forgotten my mouth guard. I skate over to retrieve it, smiling at the friend of a skater who has come to watch practice.
She smiles back at me sympathetically, "Are you just learning to skate?" Ouch. Humiliations galore. It's hard to shake that one off.
I continue laps on my own. When the official warm up begins, I join in. After a couple of laps I have to rest "to get a drink." I get back on the track a couple of laps later. The warm up continues like this, me breaking for a lap or two then joining in for a lap or two. I skate through the tension in my body, through the trembling in my legs, through the pain in my ankles, and through the humiliation of not being able to make it through a warm up. I never quit, and I feel better after the stretches.
Drills start. We do new kinds of stops. I break when I need to but jump back in when I can. Then they pair us up. I hate that. I hate it. I hate it. I feel trapped. They pair me with Christie, which is cool. We alternate. For one minute I am to push her while she keeps me slowed to a stop. Then we switch. Back and forth. Christie calls out words of encouragement and direction as I struggle and strain. By now I have my skate legs but everything else is falling apart. My hips and thighs burn. My feet cramp. I have sweat so much that there are no actual tears, but I am sobbing with pain and discouragement. I start to hate the girl who suggested this drill. Obviously she did this because she knew it would make me feel small and desperate. She wants me to quit. I hate her. I channel that anger into my pushing for a minute. Wow that was extremely effective. Christie noticed, too. After that big push, though, I am done. Weeping and fighting the urge to vomit, I apologize to Christie and bow out of the rest of the drill.
After a visit to the restroom to calm my stomach and after a break and some water, the next drill begins. We are to form two lines beside the track. We are to take turns taking the track in threes - two people to be "blockers" and one to be a "jammer." I get in the blocker line and notice the person who will be jamming against me is Karmen. She is awesome. Extremely intimidating. I don't think I can do this. I look up at the other track and realize that the other new girl is no longer over here - she's over there! She's working on her single foot glides. Escape is possible! I say, "Oh, I guess I should go over there and work on my glides.". D, who will be blocking with me says, " Or you could get out there with me and see how it goes."
Now what? I take a quick mental inventory. Why am I hesitant to do this? It's not the exhaustion or pain. I'm somewhat recovered and can continue. It's that I don't want to hold the other girls back. I always feel like a drain on the drills when I practice with the vets. But what else am I here for? I know I'll be mad at myself if I don't do this. I stay. Now I'm staying in the drill because I have chosen to - not because I feel trapped into it. That makes a difference.
When it's our turn, I hit the track next to D. The whistle sounds. We start. Karmen comes up behind us. She and D are both great. Karmen doesn't push too hard. She issues instructions. "Bend your knees more. Toes in. Slow me down. You're doing great, girl.". D keeps a touch on me. "Stay with me.". I keep accidentally slamming my wheels into hers, which trips us both. She assures me this is common in new girls. When our time is done, we get a round of applause. Awesome! Now I must visit the restroom again.
Once again the nausea subsides without incident. I go back to the track. I want to try the jamming. I still feel urpy. I hope I don't vomit on anyone.
As my turn arrives, they hand me the jammer panty! Wow. I've never worn this. Neat. I'm jamming against D and Karmen. I spend the lap pushing as hard as I can against each of them. It's hard to control my direction. Karmen keeps reminding me to not use my forearms. I'm going to have to try to figure out what to do with my arms. I feel like I should hold them behind my back, but I fear that will cause me to faceplant.
Once the fun of our turn is over my gorge starts to rise again. I must stop. My body will declare full mutiny. It was a blast and I was so glad I stuck around but it is time for me to move to the other track and do some slow laps for the rest of practice.
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